Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
If Manliness had a soundtrack, the score would be metal.
I do jokes about what's funny, and both sides are funny.
There is no horizon in Toledo. There are too many trees.
We did not become libertarians because we are altruists.
Don't cry over spilled milk-- get angry and punch a cow.
Opinions are like demo tapes. I don't want to hear yours
And try as I might, I am having difficulty giving a f**k.
At the end of your life, do you give a concession speech?
Whales are drinking all our water and eating our sailors.
Why would we go to war on women? They don't have any oil.
Gravitas is the soup bone in the stew of television news.
Pissing off PETA is as easy as pie. Delicious kitten pie.
Laughter brings the swelling down on our national psyche.
If Germans are happy it means everyone else is miserable.
I look, absolutely, like I'm going to sell you insurance.
Who really wants to be themselves when they're teenagers?
Nathan Lane's Bus of Broadway Fun will be leaving shortly.
Never serve oysters in a month that has no paycheck in it.
If government were a product, selling it would be illegal.
A charity ball is like a dance except it's tax deductible.
A fundamental American question is, 'What's the big idea?'
Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.
Today, folks, should be all about love. Unless you're old.
What does Karl Marx put on his pasta? Communist Manipesto!
I love making observations. That one is a classic example.
There must be a God, because I don't know how things work.
When you are actually powerful, you don't need to be petty.
That's the Senate Ethics Committee, an oxymoron since 1973.
I know change can be painful. But from change comes growth.
Like everyone else, I want to sleep with Leonardo DiCaprio.
Is listening to Pink Floyd in the dark a medical condition?
Oh my god... Kerry is boring even when Bush is reading him.
If you try to hit a grand slam, you’re going to strike out.
I started reading Hunter S. Thompson when I was in college.
On inspection, Gaudi's architecture isn't whimsical at all.
When I'm in the car, I want the only one shouting to be me.
The liberal Gluten-free agenda is turning our dogs lesbian.
The skinnification of America's jeanscape has gone too far.
California is choosing between the lesser of, uh, 300 evils.
A guy who says what people who aren't thinking are thinking.
I like not to be good at anything, so I keep hopping around.
Sarah Palin has been tagged and released back into the wild.
We need a government, alas, because of the nature of humans.
Civilization is an enormous improvement on the lack thereof.
Gay marriage acceptance is happening in the blink of an eye.
You can keep the dining room clean by eating in the kitchen.
Horses and horsepower alike are about status and being cool.
Woodstock had a tremendous impact on American artistic life.
The busier you are, the less time you have to make decisions.
I can only fight back in a way that I feel like I'm talented.