Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
I am no fan of books.
It's like hunting cows
Kids are disorganized.
Democrats hate success.
I'm impervious to logic.
I'm really tired of virtue.
I'm a rather decisive type.
My ignorance is widespread.
Writing is agony. I hate it.
Here it is. My moment of zen.
Cars would be safer on rails!
Satire doesn't effect change.
I'm a political conservative.
I feel like [God]'s hazing us.
Baby carrots are making me gay.
Never fight an inanimate object.
First and foremost: Feed people.
I deliver my Truth hot and hard.
I want a sandwich named after me.
I kid because I'm on basic cable.
Poor people have sh*tty lobbyists.
Regulation creates a moral hazard.
Love can never be fully explained.
I feel your scorn, and I accept it.
I can't prove it, but I can say it.
Making a better tomorrow, tomorrow.
The joke is mightier than the sword.
Insomnia is my greatest inspiration.
I read good. I was an English major.
In midlife, we're as dumb as we get.
Fascism is very much a mob movement.
Equations are the devil's sentences.
I teach Sunday school, motherf*****.
Warmth is to sun, as truth is to me.
Democrats hate Democrats most of all.
Everybody is xenophobic to an extent.
You have a firm grasp of the obvious.
I guess 14% plus Jesus equals victory
This show is our own personal beliefs.
Well, I'm sold. I'll take one America.
If you smell something, say something.
Harvard is the home of American ideas.
I am unboreable in the great outdoors.
Jesus forgives sinners, not criminals.
Reality has a well-known liberal bias.
Philosophy was once considered science.
I'm fascinated by political enthusiasm.
President Bush, have a hot dog with me.
I'm not just a pundit - I'm a comedian.
Countries aren't built by boring people.