If you were happy every day of your life you wouldn't be a human being, you'd be a game show host.

There really is no Johnny Carson anymore. There is no one place a comedian can appear and explode.

There's something beautiful in being who you are and being comfortable with whatever your voice is.

People find gold in fields, veins, river beds, and pockets. Whichever, it takes work to get it out.

We don't have to treat homosexuals like they are aliens living amongst us. They are regular people.

I can't imagine the biggest blow to me was that marriage not working out. That just flipped me out.

I knew I could control one thing, and that is my time and my hours and my effort and my efficiency.

Because of my background in theater and radio acting, I knew that I could make a living as an actor.

My show was revolutionary, ground-breaking. When I came on the scene, people were not doing a thing.

Not once since becoming president has Mr. Obama linked terror aimed at the United States with Islam.

I believe that one of the things I've tried to do is work hard and take the business very seriously.

It's been amazing, the number of commercials that I've done, starting back in 1968. It must be 8,000.

Talent is what drives this world ... Doesn’t matter how many satellites you f---ing stick in the air.

I eat the same breakfast and lunch every day, both at my desk. I employ no time-saving tricks at all.

The Democrats handle dissent by isolating it, smearing it and delegitimizing it in order to crush it.

I might like somebody, and have to go interview somebody that hates them, but I still have to be fair.

Early in my career, I was only being dissed by Chingy. Now, I'm being dissed by Eminem. Life is great.

Where radio is different than fiction is that even mediocre fiction needs purpose, a driving question.

The information-deprived general populace might have been surprised this week to see a lower paycheck.

Barack Obama is Occupy Wall Street. Barrack Obama is plugged into that world. That's what he believes.

Prince decided to move from Minneapolis to Toronto. Jimmy Jam told me that they were living there now.

I was having health issues all my life. You're just not conditioned to think of them as health issues.

I grew up watching Oprah on television. So, to say I didn't learn a lot from her just wouldn't be true.

Yes, I backed the hula hoop. And I had a lot of other people come to me with ideas that turned out well

The stories are success stories. The letters from listeners often touch the heart and can be inspiring.

There's a difference... between the kind of woman you would bang and the kind of woman you would marry.

If you don't go far enough back in memory or far enough ahead in hope, your future will be impoverished.

Yes, I backed the hula hoop. And I had a lot of other people come to me with ideas that turned out well.

Success is finding something you love to do, getting paid to do it and finding someone to share it with.

A president is supposed to calm the American people with sober decision-making in the national interest.

When you're in the center of something, on a ride, I don't think you realize what it is until it's over.

All I have are my experiences, and I like to share my experiences to see if people could learn from them.

I've been doing radio since I was 18, and I've been unemployed four times from radio for various reasons.

I think people who live in New York don't realize just how much time they spend talking about the subway.

In general in New York, we all eat like kings. Insane quality, mind-blowing variety, at all price ranges.

Equity, ownership, production fees, license fees: those are the vocabulary words that are exciting to me.

I stand fearlessly for small dogs, the American Flag, motherhood and the Bible. That's why people love me.

I don't read novels, but my semiotics study influenced everything about the way I read and edit and write.

Mr. Obama's choices show how fundamentally unserious he is about deficit reduction and spending restraint.

I was 11 when I was molested. It was like a nuclear explosion going off in my life, destroying everything.

I've been doing a lot of yoga to help with my running, recovery, and mental clarity. It works great for me.

I don't think there's one thing I've ever said on the radio that would have been found indecent or obscene.

You'd think that radio was around long enough that someone would have coined a word for staring into space.

I liked the people at Brown, while I really disliked most of the fellow students I had met at Northwestern.

The University of North Carolina provided me with every tool necessary to rise to the top of my profession.

The people I chose to work with me on this album are there because I have a personal relationship with them.

Growing up, I actually wanted to be a professional baseball player instead of a radio DJ. Believe it or not.

Hosting various versions of my countdown program has kept me extremely busy, and I loved every minute of it.

I don't think I ever played any sports recreationally for my own pleasure. I was bad at them from the start.

Brad Pitt is so good-looking there's a lightbulb inside of him shooting good-looking-ness in all directions.

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