Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
You should always live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so.
Rumor is like bees; the more you fight them the more you don't get rid of them.
Fortune is like a coquette; if you don't run after her, she will run after you.
Despatch is taking time by the ears; hurry is taking it by the end of the tail.
It is a cheering thought to think that God is on the side of the best digestion.
The best way to convince a fool that he is wrong is to let him have his own way.
Liberty, like chastity, once lost, can never be regained in its original purity.
The best medicine I know for rheumatism is to thank the Lord that it ain't gout.
Beauty is a very handy thing to have, especially for a woman who ain't handsome.
If there is a streak of ham anywhere in an actor, Shakespeare will bring it out.
Learn from other people's mistakes. Life is too short to make them all yourself.
You must pay for your sins. If you have already paid, please ignore this notice.
She learned to say things with her eyes that others waste time putting into words
Politeness is better than logic. You can often persuade when you cannot convince.
A good reliable set of bowels is worth more to a man than any quantity of brains.
Debt is a trap which man sets and baits himself, and then deliberately gets into.
Nature makes all the noblemen; wealth, education, or pedigree never made one yet.
Admiration is a youthful fancy will which scarcely ever survives to mature years.
Take the humbug out of this world, and you haven't much left to do business with.
You cannot analyze a kiss any more than you can dissect the fragrance of flowers.
Dr. Holmes says, both wittily and truly, that crying widows are easiest consoled.
Traveling with children corresponds roughly to traveling third class in Bulgaria.
Often I'd take out my magnifying glass and stare into the chaos that was her face.
A WISE MAN never enjoys himself so much, or a FOOL so little, as when he is alone.
As a general thing, an individual who is neat in his person is neat in his morals.
It's not ignorance does so much damage; it's knowin' so derned much that ain't so.
Economy is a savings-bank, into which men drop pennies, and get dollars in return.
We are constantly being surprised that people did things well before we were born.
There are several ways to apportion the family income, all of them unsatisfactory.
Whether it's the best of times or the worst of times, it's the only time we've got.
Funny how a wife can spot a blonde hair at twenty yards, yet miss the garage doors.
As a child I assumed that when I reached adulthood, I would have grown-up thoughts.
There is always a comforting thought in time of trouble when it is not our trouble.
Virtue does not consist in the absence of the passions, but in the control of them.
Man isn't a fool for his ignorance, but rather for believing things that are wrong.
I am a poor man, but I have this consolation: I am poor by accident, not by design.
There's one good thing about tight shoes; they make you forget your other troubles.
Vanity is a strange passion; rather than be out of a job it will brag of its vices.
I haven't been abroad in so long that I almost speak English without an accent now.
I always wanted to get into politics, but I was never light enough to make the team.
Old godheads sink in space and drown Their arks like foundered galleons sucked down.
Debt is like any other trap, easy enough to get into, but hard enough to get out of.
The road to ruin is always in good repair, and the travellers pay the expense of it.
All laughter is a muscular rigidity spasmodically relieved by involuntary twitching.
You won't find one fish in a million that has enough sense to come in when it rains.
The beauty of America is that the average person always thinks she is above average.
People ask what I am really trying to do with humor. The answer is, "I'm getting even
But I don't distinguish between being laughed with, and laughed at. I'll take either.
If I were president, I would turn the tables and allow the fetus to abort its mother.
Prohibition makes you want to cry into your beer and denies you the beer to cry into.