Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
Caution, though very often wasted is a good risk to take.
The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him.
If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.
If you want to kill time why not try working it to death.
A trout fisherman is something that defieth understanding.
Old age is the only thing that lives up to its reputation.
It ain't often that a man's reputation outlasts his money.
We can't profess love without talking through hand puppets.
If you read someone else's diary, you get what you deserve.
I like to reserve the right to write about whatever I like.
I don't like travelling if I know I have to write about it.
My heart hath followed all my days Something I cannot name.
An idea isn't responsible for the people who believe in it.
Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt, not swallowed.
Love looks through a telescope; envy, through a microscope.
There are two ways to travel, first class or with children.
The longest word in the world is "a word from our sponsor."
Write relentlessly, until you find your voice. Then, use it.
All I do is lie, and that has made me immune to compliments.
The only real advice you can give anyone is to keep writing.
The secret of forgiving everything is to understand nothing.
It make one's mouth hurt to speak with such forced merriment.
I like books on tape, and will listen to just about anything.
Morally considered, laughter is next to the Ten Commandments.
If your wife wants to learn to drive, don't stand in her way.
I'm gonna put all my money into taxes. They're sure to go up.
The Marine Corps was the first father figure I had ever known.
Art isn't about following the rules. It's about breaking them.
I don't think my life is more interesting than anybody else's.
There are very few good judges of humor, and they don't agree.
People who have nothing to say are never at a loss in talking.
Society is composed of slow Christians and wide-awake sinners.
Knowledge is like money: the more he gets, the more he craves.
Why don't you get out of that wet coat and into a dry martini?
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
If only those old walls could talk...how boring they would be.
It's not the sugar that makes the tea sweet, but the stirring.
I learned quickly that when I made others laugh, they liked me.
When they're born outside, crows come and pluck their eyes out.
Experience increases our wisdom but doesn't reduce our follies.
Metaphysics is the science of proving what we don't understand.
To enjoy a good reputation, give publicly, and steal privately.
I don't trust a bank that would lend money to such a poor risk.
On the whole I woke up in the morning and was happy to be alive.
An old stomach reforms more whiskey drinkers than a new resolve.
Be like a postage stamp. Stick to one thing until you get there.
Prejudice assumes the garb of reason, but the cheat is too thin.
Keep a cow, and then the milk won't have to be watered but once.
There is gravity in wisdom, but no particular wisdom in gravity.
Sheer madness is, of course, the highest possible brow in humor.