Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
It's a good thing that when God created the rainbow he didn't consult a decorator or he would still be picking colors.
Nearly every night before I go to bed I ask myself, "Have I vibrated in tune with the Infinite today, or have I failed?
Adversity has the same effect on a man that severe training has on the pugilist: it reduces him to his fighting weight.
I hate to be a kicker, I always long for peace, But the wheel that does the squeaking, is the one that gets the grease.
Never teach your child to be cunning or you may be certain you will be one of the very first victims of his shrewdness.
The pencil sharpener is about as far as I have ever got in operating a complicated piece of machinery with any success.
Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you're offered the perfect opportunity to hurt someone's feelings.
I've always been very upfront about the way I write, and I've always used the tools humorists use, such as exaggeration.
Speed eliminates all doubt. Am I smart enough? Will people like me? Do I really look all right in this plastic jumpsuit?
By the time a bartender knows what drink a man will have before he orders, there is little else about him worth knowing.
It ain't because lovers are so sensitive that they quarrel so often; it is because there is so much fun n the making up.
I don't mind 800 million Chinese drinking a bottle [of Coca-Cola] a day, but I don't want them to bring back the empties.
It is funny the things that run through your mind when you're sitting in your underpants in front of a pair of strangers.
I'm the most important person in the lives of almost everyone I know and a good number of the people I've never even met.
A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down.
I'd tried to straighten him out, but there's only so much you can do for a person who thinks Auschwitz is a brand of beer.
It's safe to assume that by 2085 guns will be sold in vending machines but you won't be able to smoke anywhere in America.
For him who fain would teach the world The world holds hate in fee- For Socrates, the hemlock cup; For Christ, Gethsemane.
A little while with grief and laughter, And then the day will close; The shadows gather ... what comes after No man knows.
There's a lot of people in this world who spend so much time watching their health that they haven't the time to enjoy it.
A secret ceases to be a secret if it is once confided - it is like a dollar bill, once broken, it is never a dollar again.
About the only difference between the poor and the rich, is this, the poor suffer misery, while the rich have to enjoy it.
Don't ever prophesy; for if you prophesy wrong, nobody will forget it; and if you prophesy right, nobody will remember it.
At first, writing for The New Yorker was very scary to me. I couldn't imagine anything that I would write in that typeface.
Also, I used to think that one day I might get someone to iron my shirts, but the truth is I really like doing them myself.
He worked like hell in the country so he could live in the city, where he worked like hell so he could live in the country.
I hold that a man has as much right to spell a word as it is pronounced as he has to pronounce it the way it ain't spelled.
There's tons of people that spend a lot time watching their well being, they have not acquired time to take pleasure in it.
If you believe you can do something, then you can acquire the ability to do it even if you didn't have it in the beginning.
There is no such place as Budapest. Perhaps you are thinking of Bucharest, and there is no such place as Bucharest, either.
If Shakespeare were alive today and writing comedy for the movies, he would be the head-liner for the Mack Sennett studios.
A fierce unrest seethes at the core, of all existing things:, it was the eager wish to soar, that gave the gods their wings.
A great many people have come up to me and asked how I manage to get so much work done and still keep looking so dissipated.
It's hard to love a place that's outlawed smoking but finds it perfectly acceptable to serve raw fish in a bath of chocolate.
The happiest time in any man's life is when he is in red-hot pursuit of a dollar with a reasonable prospect of overtaking it.
There is only one good substitute for the endearments of a sister, and that is the endearments of some other fellow's sister.
I haven't got as much money as some folks, but I've got as much impudence as any of them, and that's the next thing to money.
I find it ridiculous to assign a gender to an inanimate object incapable of disrobing and making an occasional fool of itself.
This was the consequence of seeing too much and understanding the horrible truth: No one is safe. The world is not manageable.
Every so often my life will feel like a story. It doesn't have to be a big thing; in fact, most often, it's just the opposite.
Honesty is the rarest wealth anyone can possess, and yet all the honesty in the world ain't lawful tender for a loaf of bread.
There is no limit to the vanity of this world. Each spoke in the wheel thinks the whole strength of the wheel depends upon it.
More and more Congressmen now stay in Washington all year-round because they can't stay at home under the laws they've passed.
You can teach taste, editorial sense, but the ability to say something funny is something I've never been able to teach anyone.
This is a wonderful way to celebrate an 80th birthday... I wanted to be 65 again, but they wouldn't let me - Homeland Security.
What I really hated, of course, was my mind. There must have been an off switch somewhere, but I was damned if I could find it.
I'd always thought that I understood this, but lately I realize that what I call "understanding" is basically just fantasizing.
whenever I read a passage that moves me, I transcribe it in my diary, hoping my fingers might learn what excellence feels like.
it is better to be a part of beauty for one instant and then cease to exist than to exist forever and never be a part of beauty
You should examine yourself daily. If you find faults, you should correct them. When you find none, you should try even harder.