Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
I've always tried to retain that childlike wonder.
Alcohol gives you infinite patience for stupidity.
The civil rights movement wasn't easy for anybody.
I'm related to the portrait painter George Romney.
There's no way to describe what I do. It's just me.
I go to McDonald's every day. But I don't eat much.
Once I get outside my house in the morning, I'm on.
On a scale of one to ten, I would rate Elvis eleven.
I have to be a star like another man has to breathe.
Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce
I don't pick on politicians. They ain't done nothin'.
Laughter is the valve on the pressure cooker of life.
I cried, I was so overwhelmed to meet Michael Jackson.
I wrote my own verses. Anything I did, I wrote myself.
If you can't move your brush good, just move your face.
Savor the moments that are warm and special and giggly.
I got some new underwear the other day. Well, new to me.
A coward can die many times, but love can only die once.
I certainly didn't want to date. I was through with guys.
People come up to me... concerned... that I'll reproduce.
Laughter has always brought me out of unhappy situations.
Everything Michael Jackson does on stage is exactly right.
Well, my brother says Hello. So, hooray for speech therapy.
Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime.
I know my limit. I just keep passing out before I reach it.
How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.
You know what I hate? Indian givers... no, I take that back.
God's children and their happiness are my reasons for being.
If you don't change, you're dead, so I try to keep changing.
I don't recommend washing your face. Because you might drown.
A man is not complete until he has seen the baby he has made.
England is better only because I stand out there as 'unusual'.
You always have two choices: your commitment versus your fear.
Part of show business is magic. You don't know how it happens.
Thongs are the leading cause of pregnancy in the United States.
His death was the first time that Ed Wynn ever made anyone sad.
What have I got? No looks, no money, no education. Just talent.
We are all the same person trying to shake hands with our self.
There's always a little bit of heaven, even in a disaster area.
When my mother died, I had to go on air that night and do jokes.
You didn't want to laugh, did you? It wasn't very funny, was it?
Friends are just enemies who don't have enough guts to kill you.
There's nothing that can match Broadway for stature and dignity.
I was at a bar nursing a beer. My nipple was getting quite soggy.
Imitation isn't the sincerest form of flattery - it's plagiarism.
My handicap? Man, I am a one-eyed, black Jew! That's my handicap!
Ten million dollars after I'd become a star I was deeply in debt.
I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator.
All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner.
I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always