Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
The funny thing is, I was never purposely blonde. I just got highlights, and then you get highlights over highlights, and then it looks like you're blonde.
Now people are coming up to meet me at my shows and they're doing my bits! One guy earlier was at 7-11 and he comes up to me and goes "you want a falcon?".
If you can write and create original characters, do your own show, develop your own material, it gives you more power than just waiting around to be hired.
There's been a lot of guys that come out of Texas who have made it really big. So it's not a geographic thing, it's a how hard are you willing to work for it.
Love is when you would go to the very end of the world with her, and in case she feels weary and tired in between the journey, you would carry her till the end.
I don't even do anything super crazy when it comes to eating. The most I would ever do is eat some kind of sushi raw. I keep it real light when it comes to food.
I started talking about things that everybody could relate to. And that's not to say I deserted my roots, I just found a way to talk about things in a broad way.
I went out to dinner with a Marine last weekend. He looked across the table and he goes, "I could kill you in seven seconds." I go, "I'll just have toast, then."
No matter what barbershop you go to, there's always that guy who's just hanging around and doesn't do much, but knows everything that's going on in the community.
I don't get controversial, I don't get political and I don't tell you what to do with your life. I just go out there and tell some stories, and people can relate.
I never thought of myself in comedy at all... I loved going to the theatre and seeing people wearing beautiful clothes come down the staircase and start to dance.
When I was 12, my friend and I tried to sneak onto a plane from my hometown of Cleveland to New York City! My dad encouraged us - he was a wild guy, big on jokes.
Connecting with people is not hard. I love the interaction and the feedback after shows. It does take some time, but the fans appreciate it which makes it worth it.
My material never comes out verbatim every time. I always tweak in a line, or tweak away a line, gain a couple tags or lose a couple tags. The timing is always off.
I remember seeing Eddie Murphy RAW and seeing people laughing and having a good time and that was the same response I was getting so I thought I was on to something.
Understand that you don't know it all. You don't know anything yet. What you've been taught is great, but always go with common sense. And don't marry your first love.
I feel like there is this resurgence of amazing roles for women. It's because TV is so good - there are amazing parts for women on TV, and it's upped the game in movies.
The trouble with most comedians who try to do satire is that they are essentially brash, noisy and indelicate people who have to use a sledge hammer to smash a butterfly.
My dad was a real fun guy, and despite his personal problems, he was a great father. It wasn't easy, but he did a good job of raising my sister Mary and I all by himself.
Sometimes [high school speech team] was funny, other times it was just talking, but it gave me the confidence to speak in front of people after doing that for a whole year.
I know what it's like to have a family and not have insurance and really need it. As a comic, insurance was one of those sacrifices I made early on until I could afford it.
I barely have time to watch stuff that I'm in, or my friends' stuff. The bar for writing has really elevated and it's really exciting, it's not just parts for 25-year-olds.
Some comics don't like it when people talk during the set, and it does get a little bit annoying after awhile, but I basically let people dictate what jokes I'm going to do.
I've got wonderful people I get to work with, and I'm trying to focus on that, instead of worrying about, Aw, who doesn't want to work with me? You focus on the ones who do.
I think when we stop putting labels and start worrying more about the performance, that's when you're able to cross over and make yourself a household name and go everywhere.
When I see a mom embarrassed because her kid is having a temper tantrum, I'm like, 'Please! Do you think I've never gone through that?' Women tend to be too hard on themselves.
It wasn't until I got into seventh grade, I think, that I realized that doing plays might be a fun thing, and so I auditioned for the school play - and got in, as it turned out.
I bought a Hummer before I bought a house, and then I bought a house. Every year, everything doubled. The work was doubling. The money was doubling. The popularity was doubling.
I talked about the stuff so openly that people are able to connect and relate. I put everything out there [into the network], and if I'm having a bad time, people know about it.
Wearing a Hawaiian shirt, you don't ever come across as offensive. Nobody sees you as a threat. You see someone in a Hawaiian shirt, and you are like 'this guy is ready to party.'
Drama is not my passion. If I do it, it's for a check. It's not what I want to do. Comedy's my thing. Stand up's my thing. Everything that comes from that is frosting on the cake.
Honestly, I really don't like acting. I don't enjoy it. What I do like is going to a movie theatre and seeing my face on a poster. I like seeing my name on a poster. That is cool.
The clothes, the shoes, the gold belts and the necklaces always click me into the character, for sure. You could not feel the character, and then you put on the shoes and get the walk.
[ The aim to be big] is not a joke about my size. It's just that I'm a dreamer, but I'm following through with it. I believe anyone can do it as long as they focus and have a game plan.
Why do I wear tennis shoes? That's two questions. Do I wear tennis shoes? The answer to that question is, "Yes." "Why?" That's a question philosophers have been pondering for centuries.
All problems have to be solved eventually by ONESELF, and that's where all your lovely John Donne stuff turns out to be a load of crap because, in the last analysis, A MAN IS AN ISLAND.
My sister could fall asleep at the drop of a hat. She would fall asleep on the train. Me, I never slept. Still. I have a hard time sleeping. But I used to admire her ability to wake up late.
Every night, it's a bakery on the bus. It's a curse, because I talk about how much I love cake, people bring me cake. And now I just found out I'm diabetic, so I'm like, are you kidding me?!
I did Popeye and Ronald Reagan and everybody was saying things like "yeah he's a cute little kid" but I started, little by little, telling stories about people I'd met and expanded my voices.
By putting myself out there the way I've been doing people see me as a real person. Even though I do character voices and funny noises the stories are still real and I put them all out there.
I'm very driven by writing. Coming from 'Saturday Night Live,' because it's such a writing job, and we all write our parts on the show and create characters, I'm so respectful of good writing.
I get a lot of influence from pro wrestling. People are like, 'Oh, it's fake.' But it's not about whether the guy wins or loses, it's about how he entertains you the whole time you're watching.
Originally the big argument was that they wanted to call it "raw and uncut" and I told them I had a problem with that. When you say "raw" it implies that my show is dirty and that's not the case.
I think I'm a really hard worker, and I feel like my attitude is to just enjoy the process of being creative and developing and 'just throw a bunch of stuff against the wall and see what sticks.'
At the time, it was a really funny joke [Fluffy] and I went back and forth with going against the joke or embrace it. I decided to embrace it and now we're talking about it, so it was a good call.
The response you get when you're young like "oh you're just getting laughs because you're a little kid and you're cute". They weren't trying to encourage me at all or tell me to keep pursuing this.
I still come out to music that's in Spanish. There's no denying who I am, but I've just made it to where my performance is so anybody can understand it - whether you're 10 years old or 80 years old.
People would be like, 'Oh, 'Saturday Night Live' is such a stepping stone!' And I remember being like, 'A stepping stone?! This is my everything! I could just stop right here! This is the pinnacle!'
A lot of the comedians nowadays just do comedy as a stepping stone. Take for example Dane Cook. The guy is huge. The main reason he got into it is to do what he is doing now: film and television work.
TV and film for me are not as exciting as the live stand-up show and getting the immediate reaction of the crowd. TV is a lot of hurry up and wait for your shot and less immediate reaction from people.