Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
If we don't change direction soon, we'll end up where we're going.
I had to travel half way across the world to be called an American.
When you're a comedian, the Holy Grail is an hour long HBO special.
You can make the audience laugh, be funny and sad at the same time.
Losing my mom at such a young age had a profound effect on my life.
For me, the hardest thing was dropping the whole Latino comic title.
The girl voice is always going to kill because they don't expect it.
Hipsters, flipsters and finger-poppin' daddies: knock me your lobes.
I love comedy, but I did always consider myself a dramatic comedian.
Sin recognized but that may keep us humble, But oh, it keeps us nasty.
People struggle in marriages and more than 55% of people get divorced.
I definitely have loads of respect for writers and the art of writing.
You never won’t know what you can’t achieve until you don’t achieve it.
You know what I learned about Hawaiians? They're just blown up Mexicans!
It's best to make your peace with change, before it makes pieces of you.
A genius of comedy His talent brought joy and Laughter to all the world.
I don't wanna just be remembered for the funniest guy in my neighborhood.
Anyone who's seen my specials knows I don't put out the same stuff twice.
I have very nice cars. I never get to drive them, because I'm never home.
Today we must all be aware that protocol takes precedence over procedure.
If you aim to be big, you will be big. And that's not a pun about my size.
Why do people measure life by the years instead of how good the years were?
I can't stand innuendo. If I see one in a script I whip it out immediately.
I actually went to college with Adam Sandler. He was a dramatic actor, too!
I don't want to die tomorrow knowing I could've had a piece of cake tonight.
You gotta hang out with people who have big dreams and believe in that dream.
Don't give up the search for happiness because you're afraid of getting hurt.
You're actually using your brain. That's what comes from associating with me.
My mom's Jewish and my dad's Irish Catholic alcoholic, so I whine on the inside.
Ask any girl what she'd rather be than beautiful, and she'll say more beautiful.
You wonder why I only talk about my personal life. But that's all I've ever done.
When I go to parties, there's a moment when I think, 'I really don't belong here.'
If you get to it, and you cannot do it, then there you jolly well are, aren't you?
I thought success in show business was everything. It isn't. I don't know what is.
Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest.
Borrow from your friends, and when they ain't got any more money, make new friends.
I don't believe Spiro Agnew is a crook. If he was a crook, he'd still be in office.
My femininity is always something I've tried to preserve in this dog-eat-dog world.
I can't believe when you write something from within, how many people relate to it.
You can go a long way with a smile. You can go a lot farther with a smile and a gun.
Aside from producing I want to direct but I'm also going to get back out on the road.
When you go to Hawaii, it's all about "Aloha." It means hello, goodbye and I love you.
People think if you have money, it'll fix the problems, but it creates different ones.
I can't get a relationship to last longer than it takes to make copies of their tapes.
When I go to dance clubs, I always dance with big girls, so we finish at the same time.
Mary Katherine Gallagher is an exaggerated version of me, how I felt when I was little.
Anything is possible as long as you're focused, determined and you really want to do it.
I'll walk up to a woman, I'll say the first thing that comes to mind: 'Hey, you hungry?'
When the other girls had given up their Barbies, I was still playing with mine in secret.
With all the classes they offer at school, how come they don't have one for common sense?