Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
To be a feminist is to be alive.
Time flies when you are anxious!
I think people just love to win.
Laughter is an instant vacation.
Then let's print up some flyers!
You know me, I love lost causes.
Great comedy is always sadistic.
My children are terrific babies.
I wanna grow up and be a critic.
Famous people are above the law.
Proper stupidity is fascinating.
Never take candy from strangers.
President Bush almost killed me.
The Holy Spirit ain't got a pen.
I'm Jewish, but I'm totally not.
Most comedy comes out of misery.
All men are brothers. Hence war.
Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
Do fish get cramps after eating?
OK, so what's the speed of dark?
I was an only child, eventually.
I can't stop thinking like this.
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
We have a fair amount of racism.
...the elephant smoked too much.
If you ain't first, you're last!
I'm a comedian, not a politician.
Naked dudes are inherently funny.
People aren't universally heroic.
You can't do comedy with a beard.
I could always make people laugh.
I just like to make people laugh.
My eyebrows could do with a trim.
You can not make everybody happy.
I'd rather die than go to heaven.
I have 11 sisters and 6 brothers.
I love being a part of Aqua Teen.
Let no man's deathbed be a futon.
The earth without art is just eh.
I'm not a fighter, I'm a bleeder.
I'm totally off any caffeine now.
What year did Jesus think it was?
[Emily Litella line:] Never mind.
I fart in your general direction.
Home is where you hang your head.
Any place I hang my head is home.
I was born nine months premature.
I am best viewed from a distance.
I am speechless: I have no speech
I just want to be known as funny.