Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
Michael Price is the showrunner so nobody works harder than him.
My father would pass gas and then blame it on imaginary animals.
When I say, 'I don't care what white people think,' I mean that.
The weatherman is always right. It's just his timing that's off.
I know at least two people who have never been killed by hippos.
Don't worry; don't be afraid, ever, because this is just a ride.
Yesterday, some hooligans knocked over a dustbin in Shaftesbury.
Meat is dirty. I wouldn't touch a hot dog without a condom on it
New rule: Tulips aren't flowers. They're some kind of gay onion.
I love fishing. It's transcendental meditation with a punchline.
I love flying. I've been to almost as many places as my luggage.
Behind every great man in prison is another great man in prison.
Most people argue over who's right, not about what the truth is.
I don't like to drink alone 'cause there's nobody to fight with.
Unless cameras were rolling, I was pretty much not Danny Tanner.
Why are we rebuilding New Orleans? Whose idea was this, Aquaman?
The reason we're so dangerous is because we're totally harmless.
I've always been exactly who I am on TV. I'm not playing a role.
You enter strong and you exit strong, and you're going to be OK.
Yeah, I love being famous. It's almost like being white, y'know?
If you're the president you only have two jobs: peace and money.
Haiti fell over? Who built Haiti? Two of the three little pigs?!
Japan is the perfect example of make plans, and watch God laugh.
I was 12 years old when I had my first job, delivering packages.
I had the most absurd nightmare. I was poor and no one liked me.
The entertainment business is not the be-all and end-all for me.
My church accepts all denominations - fivers, tenners, twenties.
The only way you can know where the line is, is if you cross it.
The only thing harder than leaving show business is coming back.
There is probably more invisible tape out there than we realize.
One thing you never hear is "Man that guy is good at badminton".
I wanna buy a bunch of hermit crabs and make them live together.
A good name for a gang would be The Uneducated Idiot Tough Guys.
To make a squirrel look less uptight, put tiny sunglasses on it.
When telling a story about how wasted you were last night, stop.
The American auto industry is blowing up like a 1976 Ford Pinto.
There's a God force inside of you that gives you a will to live.
I spent two and a half years in the Philippines in World War II.
If something strikes me as funny, I'll put it in my performance.
I do not walk around imaging myself to be intimidating or smart.
A sleeping pill will never take the place of a clear conscience.
America is the new Roman Empire. Remember what happened to Rome.
Poetry is very similar to music, only less notes and more words.
If you've never seen an elephant ski, you've never been on acid.
I run everywhere and eavesdrop. It's the best way to see a city.
Elvis saved my life when I was 13 or 14. He saved all our lives.
A gentleman is any man who wouldn't hit a woman with his hat on.
There are two kinds of jokes - funny jokes and Jack Benny jokes.
I would go out with women my age, but there are no women my age.
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.