Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
I've always had live audiences.
I have three kids, one of each.
I feel no sympathy for my food.
It's all in the mind, you know.
I have Van Gogh's ear for music
I'm not naked, I'm in the band.
The sky already fell. Now what?
Marijuana is a proven medicine.
I can do anything I want to do!
I am not a good cue card reader.
I believed in God my whole life.
Sandworms...you know I hate 'em!
Sometimes I buy my wife flowers.
Valuable people are undervalued.
I eat Fig Newtons by the sleeve.
Convenience is the American way.
Hey, I was raised in the church.
We women have to stick together.
I encourage interoffice romance.
I'm Chevy Chase, and you're not.
It takes me ages to write stuff.
This town was built on nepotism.
Competition is the death of art.
Hey hey hey, smoke weed everyday
I am a huge fan of 'Doctor Who.'
Life isn't a race. It's a relay.
I'm not a comic. I'm a humorist.
I've never gone to comedy clubs.
Don't want to turn into mini-me.
Beat it to death if it succeeds.
Hey, I work one full hour a day!
Life is a near-death experience.
We're Mexi-cans not Mexi-can'ts.
I keep reading between the lies.
I like that Barack got that job.
It shouldn't hurt to be a child.
I don’t like goodbyes, NBC does.
You know what burns me? Matches.
Any expectation is what pain is.
I'm an unusual man. I know that.
The best revenge is living well.
Why would anybody want a friend?
I'm old, I'm rich and I'm tired.
Look at what you could have won!
I get annoyed a lot with things.
Self-love is a big part of golf.
Political audiences are not fun.
Let me tell you about my family.
God is like a shitty girlfriend.
My life is anything but typical.