Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
People don't realize that the future is just now, but later.
'Monty Python' was never on TV in the U.K. when I was a kid.
I'm not just saying this, but I love everything about India.
I'm so tired of men who are afraid to hurt women's feelings.
It was like going to church, except Ozzy Osbourne was there.
Love is the only shocking act left on the face of the earth.
Anything that has cynicism to it and that's jaded is smutty.
My first job was at a Chicago night club called Mr. Kelly's.
Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?
It was a perfect marrige. She didn`t want to and he couldn`t
Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.
Incuriosity is the oddest and most foolish failing there is.
I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Isn't the best way to save face to keep the lower part shut?
If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?
It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.
Legality and oppression are not unknown to run hand in hand.
Abbott and Costello were huge for me as a very young person.
I've been on the whisky diet - I've already lost three days!
Where there is a will, there's prosperity around the corner.
If I had my life to live over again, I'd live over a saloon.
If you don't look out for others, who will look out for you?
I don't have pet peeves; I have whole kennels of irritation.
It's okay to laugh in the bedroom so long as you don't point
I hate the outdoors. To me the outdoors is where the car is.
Sleep is so cute when it tries to compete with the internet.
Honestly, I just like to make movies. The funnier the better.
Personally, I'm a little more confident when I have a script.
I don't want to wake up with cops surrounding my bed tonight.
I deserve someone who likes me for who I am pretending to be.
In a way, you just can't predict a perfect movie for 'MST3K.'
You have no idea how long a year is until you’re stone sober.
If this goes into sweatshop labor, I'm quitting this podcast.
Give me 200 active 2-year-olds and I could conquer the world.
YOU are a genius!... and I am a genius because I married you.
We parents ask dumb questions, therefore we get dumb answers.
You don't reinvent yourself; you get better with what you do.
I was a dork hunter. That's hard to do. I fell out of a tree.
I'm totally confused about what I'm going to do with my life.
Life is only a dream and we are the imagination of ourselves.
Did your mother never tell you not to drink on an empty head?
Sure Vietnam is a dirty war. I've never heard of a clean one.
Dying is to be avoided because it can ruin your whole career.
Titleist has offered me a big contract not to play its balls.
When you're famous, you're always famous. It doesn't go away.
I bring up God alot in my show, know why? Because I miss him.
I choose to live in a positive world and a positive presence.
My kind of gay is like the late-breaking-lesbian kind of gay.