Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
I do feel infuriated by the things I perceive to be unfair.
I smoke a little pot, every day, and I'm healthy as can be.
Last night I slept like a log. I woke up in the fire place.
It doesn't make your life stop being fun to be a Christian.
When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.
Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again.
Sleep! The most beautiful experience in life. Except drink.
The two-headed boy in the circus never had such a headache.
A man who's intoxicated all the time doesn't need sympathy.
I'd like to see Paris before I die... Philadelphia will do.
Everything for me is visual. That's just how my head works.
In America, you drive car. In Soviet Russia, car drive you!
Of course on air I use occasional hyperbole to tell a story.
I don't like any nastiness on tv unless it's coming from me.
Football is the best way to get to know a people and a city.
I'm approaching 70. Unfortunately, from the wrong direction.
Bob Dylan - I will listen to any of his songs over and over.
I did play a romantic part once - Orsino in 'Twelfth Night.'
I have a mental age of about 17. Far too young for marriage.
Family is conflict and it's something that we all relate to.
The worst thing to do is to die while reading LIFE magazine.
A sail boat that sails backwards can never see the sun rise.
When our purpose becomes avoidance, our life becomes a void.
I have fun on stage, so people think maybe they should, too.
Music is a great energizer. It's a language everybody knows.
Okay, I got one word to ask you, a one word question, ready?
Stand-up is great because I can get everything off my chest.
Curious people are interesting people; I wonder why that is.
The zombie sex, I have no idea. It must be like tantric sex.
What's a pirate minus the ship? just a creative homeless guy
Even if he is your friend, never, ever call an Asian person.
I have performed for 12 presidents and entertained only six.
You know what a fan letter is - it's just an inky raspberry.
It's okay to get stoned, as long as its not by other people.
If the truth conflicts with my beliefs, I change my beliefs.
God is a crutch? Yeah, well, not believing in God is a coma.
I found out if you're a funny guy, a lot of people like you.
Regret leads to negativity, and negativity kills creativity.
I didn't really have a plan of attack when I got in college.
They travel in groups. You never see an Asian by their self.
I love a stupid joke, something that doesn't make any sense.
I think nudity is funny, especially when it's inappropriate.
If something's neither here nor there, where the hell is it?
I find myself believing everything that journalists tell me.
Music is the soundtrack to the crappy movie that is my life.
Gay people got a right to be as miserable as everybody else.
I see as white people finding loopholes in the slavery laws.
We have four beautiful children and some wonderful memories.
I was born an emotional tampon in a cauldron of dysfunction.
Hi, I'm a buck tooth and I like to be outside past the lips.