Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
I love support groups, people talking about their feelings.
I tend not to make fun of religious groups anywhere I play.
I wear a necklace, cause I wanna know when I'm upside down.
If 13 is unlucky, then 12 and 14 are guilty by association.
If you want to talk to me after the show, I'd be surprised.
My exercise is pall-bearin' for athletes and food faddists.
I don't hate Coldplay to be cool I genuinely hate Coldplay.
Most men appear wiser in their doubts than in their belief.
I like being around people who are good conversationalists.
Food was a constant topic of conversation in our household.
I'm passionate about what I do. I'd be naive to be passive.
Jay Mohr saved my life. That's not an overstatement either.
I am always joking and always clowning, giving and helping.
What I'm doing on stage now is just the tip of the iceberg.
As a child I was very into gadgets and machines and robots.
My wife's hip, beautiful and independent and never jealous.
I'm not addicted to cocaine. I just like the way it smells.
I don't want to go through life as a Wonder Wheel murderer!
I like to think of myself as an equal opportunity offender.
I really just want to make Karl Pilkington the new messiah.
To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.'
When four or more men get together, they talk about sports.
My wife has teeth like the stars... they come out at night.
Steak and sex, my favorite pair. I get them both very rare.
When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
We want five thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again.
If you could learn to make love, I could fire the chauffer.
I don't know kid, there are so many places they could hide.
Some interviewees you make friends with and some you don't.
Only if you're kind to yourself, can you be kind to others.
Life is not a theme park, and if it is, the theme is death.
Have you ever thought about letting Cheesus into your Life?
Mum's side of the family are daft, beautiful and brilliant.
I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.
Everybody has their own way of tapping into their realness.
I think people like to have something to have a moan about.
I used to watch 'EastEnders' till the plots got ridiculous.
My Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.
I'm a hero wid coward's legs, I'm a hero from the waist up.
Death is not treatment, even if it's medically facilitated.
Things are always worse in the steady watches of the night.
Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
I have not lost my mind - it's backed up on disk somewhere.
I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
Why buy a product that it takes 2000 flushes to get rid of?
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
I bought some powdered water, but I don’t know what to add.
Hard work is a muscle that you develop, as is taking risks.
I love doing logos. I've been a graphic artist all my life.
I don't quite think I'm big enough to deserve an orchestra.