Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
Curious people are intersting people, I wonder why that is.
Atheism is a religion the way abstinence is a sex position.
The only way for mankind to survive is for religion to die.
Let us not become so tolerant that we tolerate intolerance.
What do you call a kid with no arms and an eyepatch? Names.
If you think golf is relaxing, you're not playing it right.
That's life. The older you get, the tougher it is to score.
My folks were English . . . we were too poor to be British.
If I do talk politics it's very surface, it's not in-depth.
I could go for a sandwich, but I’m not gonna open two jars.
Rock music sounds like an octopus making love to a bagpipe.
Why should I be angry at someone when they are out dancing?
There's nothing wrong with trying to reach out to new fans.
My first car was a '56 Ford station wagon - cost 100 bucks.
There should be a talent that goes along with being famous.
It took me 20 years of making movies to learn how to do it.
I learned a lot about handling fans from established stars.
Comic-Con is nerd Christmas. People go wanting to have fun.
I probably get one or two days off every five or six weeks.
Playing girls is cool, but its a lot more fun playing boys.
You don't need a critic to tell you people aren't laughing.
Participation trophies are the soul herpes of a generation.
Oh yeah, I'm mentally screwed up for life. But I look good.
My father was the guy on the block who said hi to everyone.
'Groundhog Day' was one of the greatest comedies ever made.
Can you have a seance to summon the ghost of a dead zombie?
I'll throw a globe at you! You ever been hit by the world?!
The worst thing to call somebody is crazy. It's dismissive.
The problem with most people, is that they are most people.
99.99% of all castles in America are located in fish tanks.
Small businesses are important, but so are tiny businesses.
At the battle of the bands the loser's always the audience.
If you have a lair then you are probably not a good person.
The man I adored, and miss him terribly, was Johnny Carson.
I've never gambled a dime. Never, in all my years in Vegas.
Hell, do I remember the first joke? I was never a jokester.
I quite fancy the 1940s. I like the trams and the trousers.
Golf courses sell real estate and that's why they're built.
Animals in the wild are lean, and I think we should be too.
I've done a bit of Latin in my time...but I can control it.
I don't think I'm angry. I'm horrified - powered by horror.
The closer I get to God, the blacker the little sins appear
I don't want to own anything that won't fit into my coffin.
I'm going to Boston to see my doctor. He's a very sick man.
My best advice: Fall in love with what you do for a living.
Sex can be fun after eighty, after ninety, and after lunch!
I was a hip kid. When I saw Bambi it was the midnight show.
Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values.
If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?