Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
I love people who have such passion for complete nonsense.
It was pretty clear that I was a funny guy, just as a guy.
I have what doctors call a little bit of a weight problem.
In the land of the skunk the man with half a nose is king!
In the land of the skunks, he who has half a nose is king.
My best friend, Wil Wheaton, identifies himself as a geek.
Some people learn comedy, and some people just are comedy.
I just do what I think is funny and what's exciting to me.
If you’re a black Christian, you have a real short memory.
Eddie Murphy is to comedians what Nicki Minaj is to Spanx.
Liberalism is financed by the dividends from Conservatism.
When you break life down, it's about 100% time management.
There is no fast, easy shortcut for the word abbreviation.
I like to think of murder-suicide as extreme multitasking.
I'm always going to be someone that people enjoy watching.
Christina can sing all the notes, but Britney is just hot!
I wanna get a little drunk, but I also want some pancakes.
I thrive off the company of others, I love being sociable.
But the biggest fake of the year, Paul Begala's last smile
Detroit's so bad this year they might lose their bye week.
My life was in Montreal years ago. Best food in the world.
A bachelor is a man who never makes the same mistake once.
It's my manifest destiny to wear a skirt in all countries.
You're gay, you sell books... you probably shag the books.
They tend to come out a colour called 'Pants left in wash'
Two languages in one brain? No one can live at that speed!
Citizens are all equal in politics: we each have one vote.
I think comedy's often the little and the large, isn't it?
I've always found bad films more enjoyable than good ones.
If you have a fat brother or sister you might be American.
Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners.
Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.
The first thing that strikes a visitor to Paris is a taxi.
Young. Old. Just words. Inside we feel like our shoe size.
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
We are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass.
Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
I went to the Missing Persons Bureau but no one was there.
Bowling is not a sport because you have to rent the shoes.
But wait!!! You MAKE it to 60. You didn't think you would!
A Dodger uniform just doesn't look good with a cummerbund.
I think a lot of people have too much time on their hands.
Some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle and end.
They call television a medium because nothing's well done.
I've always had an appetite for creating in some capacity.
One thing for sure - a sheep is not a creature of the air.
Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.