Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
You never get tired unless you stop and take time for it.
We had a very successful trip to Russia. We made it back.
YOU CAN ONLY DO ONE THING AT A TIME SO CONCENTRATE ON IT.
The greatness of a man is only measured by his urologist.
If you can't laugh at yourself, make fun of other people.
I definitely miss New Zealand. Mainly friends and family.
America is such a great country, we have fat poor people.
It was a mixed marriage. I'm human, and he was a Klingon.
I do think about marriage, but it's not the end-all goal.
You can't have friendships that aren't based on realness.
I'll probably be still playing a school girl when I'm 60.
Mostly, what I watch are reality shows and documentaries.
By the time I was 7 or 8, I wanted to be a comedy writer.
I'm an independent, but I got to admit I lean Democratic.
I don't fail. I succeed at finding out what doesn't work.
Supermarket automatic doors open for me; therefore, I am.
I live in Canada in the summer and some time in the fall.
I have one phobia, snakes. And by snakes I mean intimacy.
I love hecklers. They remind you that you are a comedian.
I can't do anything! I can't even have an English muffin!
If you use tact you can say anything, then make it funny.
Never be less interesting than your refrigerator magnets.
The shortest distance between two idiots is a conga line.
I saw a transvestite wearing a T-shirt that said 'Guess'.
The other night I was playing twister with some amputees.
I think a lot of stuff I find funny is from day dreaming.
It seems that man's greatest natural enemy is the target.
Everybody has to sell out at some point to make a living.
I would have painted the White House black. I would have!
If democracy is such a good thing, let's have more of it.
Audiences feel no hatred from me. Because I'm not bitter.
Yeah, I make fun of blacks, and why not? I'm not a black.
You can grow without destroying the things that you love.
Everybody has their own free choice to do what they want.
When you're hot, you're hot; when you're not, you're not.
I made the grandkids laugh. John Madden finally liked me!
Stephen Hawking: Brainier than Kurt Cobain's garage wall.
I love the BBC and I think it's a really important thing.
What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement.
A human being is nothing but a story with skin around it.
With the proper training, I could've been an evil genius.
I've never seen a homeless guy with a bottle of Gatorade.
The good lord tripped me up behind the line of scrimmage.
If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
I can remember staring at the orphanage and feeling envy.
My father and mother separated when I was two months old.
I never realized I could love people as much as I do now.
I'm used to explaining to people why my jokes were funny.
You never know what people will choose to be offended by.
I predict one of these two teams will win the Super Bowl.