Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
My father was my greatest inspiration. He was a lunatic.
We gave you a perfectly good language and you f***ed up.
I believe that poetry is a primal impulse within us all.
If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat
Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
43.7 per cent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
Why are there five syllables in the word “monosyllabic”?
I haven't changed at all. I'm the same as when I was 11.
My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out.
For years, I just did not like this idea of God, church.
You can't become a dictator through checks and balances.
I'm just glad I can make a difference in someone's life.
I've got a wife who never misses me. Her aim is perfect!
(Responding to a sneeze from the audience) Who exploded?
There is a bit of Hans Christian Andersen in every Dane.
I used to make my own food and ate on my own in my room.
Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!
Abstaining is favorable both to the head and the pocket.
I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes.
I love Costas. He's knows too much, but he's a good guy.
I'd love to be Katherine Heigl's best friend in a movie!
I'd wanted to be famous for as long as I could remember.
I don’t have any ill will or ill thought towards anybody.
When you're doing a radio show, you can express yourself.
I don't have any ill will or ill thought towards anybody.
I was high on life but eventually I built up a tolerance.
When a writer dies you get a higher standard of obituary.
Come to Belarus, where wild animals will steal your fruit
Melbourne has great eateries and you can go birdwatching.
We are the only animals that let our kids come back home.
We're not raising children with the love that we need to.
'Don't worry about senility', my grandfather used to say.
When the bus driver gets off the bus, who shuts the door?
I don't have big time celebrity friends - I'm just a guy.
America loves to watch people growing and getting better.
I haven't been really nervous about a gig in a long time.
The plain fact is: religion must die for mankind to live.
Hollywood isn't your cesspool, America. It's your mirror.
Who takes care of their people better? FEMA or Hezbollah?
I think the funniest stuff comes from the heaviest stuff.
What is "martinizing" and why does it only take one hour?
Eell there always is a tendency in human nature to deify.
If Jesus was a Jew, how come he has a Mexican first name?
Save the Trees? Trees are the main cause of Forest Fires!
If you haven't heard a good rumour by 11:00am, start one.
I thought I was going to be like Kevin Spacey in college.
I like being in my New York bubble. It's the best bubble!
Even in movies like 'Superbad,' they're all lovable kids.
I love to go to Washington - if only to be near my money.