Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
The only reason I work out is so I can eat more cheese.
I think being nice is more important than being clever.
On Twitter, I just want to make you laugh at all costs.
Labour is at its best when it remembers its moral fury.
I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
I'm a bad lover. Once I caught a peeping tom booing me.
Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it.
Don't fear the terrorists. They're mothers and fathers.
I'm into yoga, I meditate all the time, I'm vegetarian.
Most comics' first gig is either brilliant or horrific.
I don't deny my life-style is occasionally pretty wild.
That's not to say that I don't find anything offensive.
Claudia Winkleman is a good laugh and James Corden too.
I found it all about as arousing as a Tupperware party.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
All those who believe in psychokinesis - raise my hand.
I took a lie detector test the other day. No, I didn't.
When I die, I'm gonna leave my body to science fiction.
My comedy is not mine. It's a gift. I'm not that smart.
I'm the son of a surgeon and the grandson of a surgeon.
[Languages] became a tool that served me my whole life.
Donald Trump was just an entertaining buffoon to watch.
Comedy is really getting quite popular in South Africa.
Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad.
It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.
I'm finally just relaxed and comfortable with who I am.
I have to be socially aware; I feel like that's my job.
I am where I am because I believe in all possibilities.
People have to be realistic, or the dream just drags on.
I used to be a Democrat, now I'm basically a Republican.
When you jerk off, you're saying "Hey", I care about me.
I'm actually a really nice guy, once you get to blow me.
The alphabet was invented in Iraq, so it's a cool place.
As an actor, it's good to try to do new things, I think.
Those who criticize our generation forget who raised it.
Every father says the same thing: “Where's your mother?”
Social networking helps reach people easier and quicker.
Peace of Mind? Don't leave home (or go home) without it.
The human brain doesn't come with an instruction manual.
It's not a war on drugs, it's a war on personal freedom.
Ask your doctor if getting off your ass is right for you
There's no greater model, in my view, than Jesus Christ.
Republicans look to find the future and they find radio.
There is no such thing as a moderate Republican anymore.
Ally MacLeod thinks that tactics are a new kind of mint.
Outgrew the media... The negativity felt like a disease.
Hotmail just picked up 12 new episodes of 'Judging Amy'.
No one puts higher expectations on themselves than I do.
Laughter is the best medicine, y'know, besides medicine.
I saw a giraffe with a short neck That was sad Or a deer