Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
But you can't exercise and be high. It's impossible.
I went window shopping today! I bought four windows.
I used to be indecisive but now I am not quite sure.
No one knows what Donald Trump is doing or planning.
Laughter is the closest distance between two people.
I'm free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.
If a thing is worth having, it's worth cheating for.
All things considered, I'd rather be in Philadelphia
After two days in the hospital, I turn to the nurse.
The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.
Just call me black, if you want to call me anything.
Walter Mondale has all the charisma of a speed bump.
Men and women are immigrants in each other's worlds.
To my real estate agent, Chernobyl is a fixer-upper.
I never yell, I never tell, but I'm grateful as hell.
Toughest job I ever had: selling doors, door to door.
American rock has a sort of self-pitying whine to it.
I've always been reasonably upbeat about most things.
My wife was a beautiful woman before we had children.
Sometimes knowing what to do is knowing when to stop.
The answer isn't another pill. The answer is spinach.
I'm a drunken midget with a loaded gun, a loaded gun.
Don't tempt me, I can resist anything but temptation.
Take nine strokes off your score. Skip the last hole.
It flies so high, I swear I heard the organs playing.
Chiropractic is a wonderful means of natural healing!
I don't think I'm extremely intelligent by any means.
I kind of want to know a little bit about everything.
The death of your beloved is the hardest time of all.
I worked as a comedian for 23 years, 51 weeks a year.
I don't exercise. My philosophy is: No pain, no pain.
A hotel room all to myself is my idea of a good time.
I try not to cheat on my boyfriends when I have them.
A big company is like trying to steer a luxury liner.
Well, I think a lot of people just want to be famous.
I was being chased by a giant crab. That's not funny.
You need to open up your soul and have a weep-a-thon.
Jim Norton and Harland Williams always make me laugh.
If you snort enough blow, any lane is a passing lane.
Cheaters never prosper, unless they get away with it.
What a terrible thing, I thought, to let a moment go.
I get recognized, but I'm not really a famous famous.
Constantly take inventory of what's important to you.
I have always liked shows that have laughter in them.
Have a great day. Note: does not apply to my enemies.
I'm afraid of sharks - but only in a water situation.
Branson, Missouri, is Vegas for people with no teeth.
Guilt is the reason they put the articles in Playboy.
It's nice to be included in the broadcast food chain.