Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
Know what I mean? Eh, eh, Nudge nudge, Say no more?
I don't like animation. I hate animation, actually.
Cougar jokes are now as hackneyed as airplane food.
I love John Madden, because he makes me feel smart.
I have some friends who are comedians but not many.
Avoid people with gold teeth who want to play cards
A dog has no shame. If he can do it, you can watch.
And, of course, the funniest food of all, kumquats.
The older you get, the better you realize you were.
I simply decided that dope wasn't worth the ritual.
Whoever is my relative, I will not be nice to them.
This is L.A. You wanna learn Spanish? Take the bus.
I am not a model the camera just went off by itself
TV has been my goal since before I started YouTube.
Exploding is a perfectly normal medical phenomenon.
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana
My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said,'Cough'
You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.
I love getting insight into what makes actors tick.
You're not famous until my mother has heard of you.
You can't stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh.
You aren't famous until my mother has heard of you.
I wish I could relate to the people I'm related to.
I absolutely love Scotland. I'm always happy there.
There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.
People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.
I know what I'm doing, just show me somebody naked.
I loved the idea of touching base with an audience.
There's a trench coat and a tragedy in your future.
I hope you accidentally drink leukemia at a picnic.
My instinct is to be honest and make fun of things.
I was lightweight - that was the whole point of me.
How are people still working with Terry Richardson?
All my humor is based upon destruction and despair.
My job is to bring the tickle. I know what's funny.
My hate of Apple has moved into a hate of Facebook.
Expensive quality work doesn't cost more - it pays.
Is it hard to make a living in show business? Yeah.
I refer to myself as gay, but I’m married to a man.
The Internet makes everything much less mysterious.
I can be me, and people seem quite happy with that.
With a monologue, you can be unendingly elliptical.
I don't know why people think I'm this ad-lib dude.
It's amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!
It's amazing how fast later comes when you buy now.
I have no problem not listening to the Temptations.
I think anything is possible if the jokes are good.
I'm not a perfect mom, but I'm perfect for my kids.
If the social evolution leads to jokes, I use them.
In love, we are best pleased when we please others.