Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
In marriage, compromise nurtures the relationship.
A genius is a mentally ill person with an audience
I don't mind growing old. I'm just not used to it.
Maybe entertainment is not supposed to be reality.
I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine
If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind.
The funniest thing a comedian can do is not do it.
Comedians are obsessed with justice and the truth.
I won once [an Oscar]. So it can't be that racist.
I wanted to write about how people's beliefs shift.
Adam Carolla is like Hitler if Hitler wasn’t funny.
Netflix is very protective with their information .
New York is looked at as the grad school of comedy.
If you think you have it tough, read history books.
Religion is detrimental to the progress of society.
If Jesus was a Jew, why did he have a Spanish name?
There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter.
I think the longer Britain is in Europe the better.
I don't really care about capitalizing on momentum.
Television is the box they buried entertainment in.
If I have to lay an egg for my country, I'll do it.
I'd give up golf if I didn't have so many sweaters.
I wouldn't hurt a flea. I'd finger a spider though.
Lust is easy. Love is hard. Life is most important.
I love Sandra Bullock. I think everybody loves her.
My parents never understood me; they were Japanese.
It's so much easier to give advice than to take it.
I think my parents had a hard time dealing with me.
You can only offend me if you mean something to me.
I think my best work is when I'm kind of in charge.
America is the greatest country in the whole world.
You know, I've sold a lot of bad movies in my time.
I'm no longer afraid of not making enough mistakes.
You know who makes a great first impression? Liars.
A race track is a place where windows clean people.
Goodnight, thank you, and may your God go with you.
No one wants to get their ass beat to a soundtrack.
Parades are man's attempt to make traffic exciting.
I can move objects with my mind, if I use my hands.
I remember when I used to be really into nostalgia.
Jumping jacks are easier to do than crawling jacks.
If I were blind, I'd wear a blindfold all the time.
Planning trip around the globe, that is in my room.
I'm always excited to try something I haven't done.
I do situations and make fun of authority and life.
I ride a recumbent bike for half an hour every day.
Johnny Carson was king of the kings, in my opinion.
I think a lot of the time you just parody yourself.
To listen to your own silence is the key to comedy.
You're gonna be ok, dum de dum dum dum, just dance.