Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
Some men are tempted to violate secrecy from the uneasiness secrecy gives them, and others, merely to impress you with the extent of their confidence.
None seem to bear the imputation of supposed guilt with greater intolerance than such as are, on other occasions, obviously culpable of vice or crime.
Laws, however divine in origin and institution, would be found of little coercion among men, were the administration of them not committed to mortals.
I don't always prepare such rich meals. Sometimes I'll just serve a simple quiche, salad and dessert for dinner. During the week I try to eat lightly.
When we stand up and we sing O Canada, we pledge to stand on guard for thee. If that doesn't include our water, we might as well sit down and give up.
There's nothing as perfect as the initial idea. And the only reason I write and direct is to protect the writing, because that's what's most precious.
Fame is an upshot of what I do. If you're a successful comedian or actor, then you're a famous one. But it's not the driving force. It's a by-product.
I don't believe in ghosts or ESP or elves... or God. But I am spiritual in the sense that I get a lump in my throat when I listen to Vaughan Williams.
We have a family holiday once a year, usually abroad, but that's it. I feel I should have holidays for my family's sake, but I'm not that adventurous.
My favorite series of 'Peep Show' is always the most recent one, which I can say with all honesty because I don't write it. It gets better and better.
I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor; they sent a priest up to talk to me and he said, ' On your mark...'
At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he knows he can't.
Our basic fundamental desires are overly stimulated. A friend of mine said, "you have a generation of people that have been accidentally marketed to."
I wanna be incidental characters in 'Only Fools and Horses,' that would have been good. I wouldn't mind playing Trigger, Trigger would have been good.
I think people are a little bit intimidated by me. You know, I'm not exactly a wilting flower, so I think they're a little bit scared of me sometimes.
The live show is different from the album. It's different every night depending on where I am and how many months have gone by since I last performed.
I don't like going back and listening to myself. It makes me uncomfortable, and I know I can never emulate what I did that night, so why listen to it?
Everybody blames the Jews for killing Christ, and the Jews try to pass it off on the Romans. I'm one of the few people who believes it was the blacks.
Be careful with drinking this Christmas. I got so drunk last night I found myself dancing in a cheesy bar... Or, as you like to call it, delicatessen.
That's the thing about comedy, there's something utterly delightful and slightly pure about a really good joke, and to create one is a great pleasure.
It's not like I'm an Internet geek or anything - I'm of an age where the Internet is not the first thing I think of when I need to find something out.
A real man doesn't know what cellulite is. Until I was 30 I thought cellulite was a building material used for restoring plasterwork in stately homes.
When push-off comes to shove-off, a man must have a reason to get out of bed in the mornings, something more than the threat of bedsores, at any rate.
I got pulled over by a cop, and he said, 'do you know the speed limit here is 55 miles per hour?'. So I said, 'oh, that's OK, I'm not going that far.'
I think a comedian has to be low status on some level; that gives you the right to do all sorts of jokes about all sorts of different kinds of people.
In a global world, nationalism is a fantasy, and it's poison. It used to be appropriate, but it's not anymore, and we haven't learned that lesson yet.
When you do something in a nonviolent way, people will die and there will be casualties. But you're taking a different point of view that has a power.
I think when you look at religion, you look at where Christianity came from. You know, my mom delved deeper into that. And she felt a deep connection.
The movie people would have nothing to do with me until they heard me speak in a Broadway play, then they all wanted to sign me for the silent movies.
I think of the church often. Not because religion was closing in on me, but because for a long time my ass was sore from that hard, unupholstered pew.
I am not an educator and I'm not a journalist. I am a comedian. But I do truly believe that the point of comedy is to make the world around one better.
I have no sympathy for the people who went to Charlie Sheen's show and were disappointed. That didn't seem very organized! That guy's all over the map!
You don't know anything about pain until you've seen your own baby drowned in a tub... and you definitely don't know anything about how to wash a baby.
Because it's uncensored cable, I think we'll be able to do the kind of sketch comedy that really hasn't been seen before. We can actually finish jokes.
I'll get laughs in the places I don't want them and that makes me realize the direction I want to go in. I don't mean to get too deep into comedy here.
I tried to like it. For me, it was like being smacked around the head by a piece of IKEA furniture: it hurts, but you've got to admire the workmanship.
I consider Ric Flair to be one of the great comedic minds. But I never got to see him growing up because that was back when they still had territories.
Love will keep us safe when we commit to choosing the kind of qualities, characteristics, and relationships that we would recommend to someone we love.
To change any aspect of our life we must be willing to change our mind... Unfortunately, that is the one thing most people are the least willing to do.
Why do we put people who are on drugs in jail? They're sick, they're not criminals. Sick people don't get healed in prison. You see? It makes no sense.
When I was in high school the worst thing you could ever get was VD. Talk about the sniffles! I just want to meet an old-fashioned girl with gonorrhea.
Face the fact that there's only one sure-fire way to erase credit card debt. By picking up a big, shiny pair of scissors and cutting your wife in half.
I'm not a grown up until everybody realises I'm a grown up. When everyone remembers me as the dirty kid singing little songs I am the dirty little kid.
I've just never been a person that was political or religiously savvy. Except for the fact that I was born Jewish. That gives me 10 circumcision jokes.
The reson I don't own a cell phone is I like making plans and being free and being normal, the way everyone was back in the 80's. Kill your cell phone.
They're all sources of material. What I love about what I do, the more you talk about your life, there are so many people who have similar experiences.
I tell the person I won't take a picture or sign the autograph, but I will shake their hand. That kind of personal touch is all they're really seeking.
We just make stuff that we think is funny and fun, and I think that's the most you can do. I think if you're chasing virality, it just feels desperate.
When I wrote 'We Can Be Heroes,' I was just so excited about the concept of playing loads of characters, and a television series allows you to do that.
I like talking about subjects that aren't funny in the first place and making them funny. So anything down and depressing is something I'll talk about.