Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
Even if you are Catholic, if you live in New York you're Jewish. If you live in Butte, Montana, you are going to be goyish even if you are Jewish.
I toyed with the idea of playing Ravel's 'Pavane pour une infante defunte' but I couldn't remember if it's a tune or Latin prescription for piles.
I've always really liked theater. It fascinated me. You can create a reality and get people involved in that reality. It takes place in real time.
I grew up watching all these crazy movies, European movies and stuff, and I guess that I always laughed at things that were a little more offbeat.
We have white people problems in America. You know what that is? That's when your life is amazing, so you just make stuff up to get worried about.
I once talked about wanting to kill myself, but I don't think I was ever really planning on doing it. It was just comforting to know that I could.
I think it's important never to look yourself up on Wikipedia. I think the temptation to correct any interesting factual errors would be too much.
People are so sensitive about race that they can't hear someone speaking about their life in a very true way, or doing satire or political parody.
Here I sit, beneath the large window of a first-floor Georgian flat, exploring the corridors of my sordid imagination for comedic words of beauty.
The illustrators work so much harder on the books than the writers do. I mean, that's so much work doing what they do, and it's terrible for them.
I got my first lifetime achievement award years ago, and I was very excited, but then I got a sense of: Well, can one get a second lifetime award?
People teach their dogs to sit; it's a trick. I've been sitting my whole life, and a dog has never looked at me as though he thought I was tricky.
If you don't want your children to know the truth about life don't send 'em to the theater to see Moms 'cause I'm gonna tell them THE TRUTH, hear?
The hardest part of comedy is writing the jokes, and the second-hardest part is telling the jokes. To me, everything else is significantly easier.
I was inspired by people telling me I should be a comedian. I tried it and had a really good first set, so I was like, 'OK, I'll do this forever'.
I think I'm constantly surprised that adults can't deal with illogical things or thing that are weird or psychedelic. I've never really lost that.
Imprudent restrictions often force youth farther than enticement would carry them; and careless limitation is frequently worse than no injunction.
I'll admit that I'm self-centered - all of us are - but I can also be external and giving and listening and empathetic and all that sort of stuff.
I click my teeth together every time I want to take a mental picture of something, like, "Wow, what a beautiful sunset!" Slam your teeth together.
I hate liver, but I could imagine eating some with a little bit of ketchup. Like, a lot of ketchup. I could survive in a Turkish prison, probably.
It's a privilege to be in such a great category of people and... I don't believe in God, so I'd like to thank dogs. Dogs have given me everything.
I think Hollywood's gotten more reactionary and conservative over the years, because there's no longer art in Hollywood. Art suffers in Hollywood.
Most people sitting at home aren't cool, successful, witty Hollywood stars, but they all worry about what people think of them when they faux pas.
Karl Pilkington has the roundest head, I think, in the world. It's not technically a deformity, but I've never seen anything quite that spherical.
I use Twitter as a tool to get involved with people, to sell tickets to gigs where I can stand in a room and smell the audience - and I love that!
Last week I told my wife, If you would learn to cook, I could fire the chef. She said, If you could learn to make love, I could fire the chauffer.
I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, "Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?" She said, "No, I hate myself now."
The need to find out what will happen if I don't relent or moderate my actions has been a constant source of difficulty and discomfort in my life.
I don't want to be a facilitator for other funny people. It doesn't seem smart for me to be in a comedy and not be funny. My spirit can't take it.
Comedy is about talking about my own experience, and I'm a woman, and that's my experience, and just because it isn't yours doesn't invalidate it.
People constantly make pop-culture references. That's why it's called popular culture, because people are aware of it and reference it constantly.
You either get Norfolk, with its wild roughness and uncultivated oddities, or you don't. It's not all soft and lovely. It doesn't ask to be loved.
My first meeting with you only confirmed what I first suspected. You are a fraud, a charlatan and a shyster. My favourite kind of person, in fact.
It was as if he grew his hair long and smoked cigarettes because he liked to, not because he liked being seen to. This was dangerously subversive.
I went camping and borrowed a circus tent by mistake. I didn't notice until I got it set up. People complained because they couldn't see the lake.
Certainly, you want to be liked, but as you gain confidence and experience you're more concerned with expressing yourself and what matters to you.
The essence of a general's job is to assist in developing a clear sense of purpose . to keep the junk from getting in the way of important things.
But I understand that relationship; I understand how the mother-in-law, daughter-in-law relationship has so many conflicts because it's so forced.
There are just so many more laws and rules that apply with marriage that do not come with domestic partnership and also to me it's the commitment.
The funny guy doesn't get the girl until later in life. High school, college, everyone still wants the brooding, dangerous guy you shouldn't have.
You still have that competitive thing where you want to try to make hits. That won't go away, unless the mayor of show business says my time's up.
Falling in love is a chemical reaction. But it wears off in a year. That's why you need a strong line of communication... which includes laughter.
It's the reaction I've gotten my whole life: that I learn something and try to tell people in conversation, but when I tell them, they are annoyed.
My sister-in-law believes that few narratives are so tightly constructed that you can't skip boring bits and still keep abreast of what's going on.
Some musicians are a bit humourless about their art: they lose sight of the fact that as well as exercising their muse, they're there to entertain.
Don't be a jerk to other comics and don't let the business beat you down, stay positive and if you work your ass off you're going to get somewhere.
My children love my mother, and I tell my children, that is not the same woman I grew up with...That is an old woman trying to get into heaven now.
A baseball manager has learned a lot about his job from having played the game, but a parent has not learned a thing from having once been a child.
Regardless of the problem, as long as our solution requires someone else to change, we will never know the power and promise of self-determination.
France... What can you say about a country that was too stupid to get on board with our wonderfully-conceived and brilliantly-executed war in Iraq?