Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
I just wanted to be a good comic and had no sense of show business, but at some point you want the opportunity to write a show about your life.
[Smoking] was a comfort, an occupation, a drug, a casual habit, a distraction, a way to not eat, a way to not pay attention, a way to not feel.
Despite having seen a fair amount of the world, I still love travelling - I just have an insatiable curiosity and like looking out of a window.
Bears are simultaneously so graceful and so strong. Bears know who they are, but they often don’t know who you are, which is why they kill you.
There are comedians who focus on everything that is external. They focus on politics and the news, what's going on in that city and that night.
[On turning down an invitation to appear for four minutes on the Ed Sullivan Show:] Honey, it takes Moms four minutes just to get on the stage.
I don't like getting people upset, so that's not my goal. But I like putting people in situations where how they respond says a lot about them.
The more you work in this business as a comedian, the closer you get to just being yourself onstage, on camera, the more well received you are.
As far as how I approach the humor, I think the best comedy is going to happen when I'm myself and act organically to a news item or situation.
I don't want to get into extended conversations with people on MySpace, because there are friends I have extended conversations with every day.
Making movies is nice, man. A movie with some money behind it? Sweet. So many snacks and stuff. Name-brand. And many different kinds of coffee.
We have a lot of black Anglo-Saxons. Their skin is black, but their brain is white. When I get real mad at them, I call them 'graham crackers.'
Remember when you were considered an environmentalist when you didn't throw junk out the car window? I sure do miss that simpler, happier time.
There's no getting around it - I am a politically incorrect, racially insensitive, culturally controversial comic, but at least I'm self-aware.
Feel not as though it is a sphere we live on. Rather, an infinite plane which has the illusion of leading yourself back to the point of origin.
The peculiar habit, when searching for a snack, of constantly returning to the refrigerator in hopes that something new will have materialized.
Now Einstein was a very clever man, with us all his philosophies he shared, He gave us the theory of relativity, which is E equals M C squared.
And under our system, much like you see in the U.K., of course, a party working with another party can form a coalition and govern the country.
I think sometimes you get given a good pile of goodwill, and it's whether you use it up in the first six months or spread it out over a career.
I see my real job now as - never mind 'The Office,' 'Extras,' film career, Emmys - I want everyone in the world to know who Karl Pilkington is.
Running is special. We've all done it: well, poorly, focused, in fear, being pursued, toward a goal. It's just elemental. Running is like fire.
I hate it when people use the word 'sorry' aggressively, as in, 'Sorry, but I hate you.' Sorry's an important word, and it shouldn't be abused.
For me mindfulness is like building a house, so the next time the tsunami that is depression comes I'll have a structure in place to resist it.
People have always said, are you gay? I've had a lot of that. But it's just not in me. I really like women a lot; I'm repulsed by men sexually.
I gave him a compliment! All right, I told him he probably would've made, like, a really expensive slave in the, like, in the olden-timey days.
One of the greatest things my therapist said to me ... and it really blew my mind in the greatest way, he just said, "Look in the mirror less."
I guess it's a kind of a goal for any actor to be the lead of a movie. Not for ego reasons, but because it is creatively the biggest challenge.
My mother loves to remind me that about the age of four, I made a somewhat formal announcement that I was going to be a plumber when I grew up.
The English language is like London: proudly barbaric yet deeply civilised, too, common yet royal, vulgar yet processional, sacred yet profane.
Simon Gray, I decided when I first witnessed this frog into prince transformation, did not have a drinking problem. He had a drinking solution.
A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said, 'Wish you were here.
I wasn't the classic comedy type; I wasn't bullied or extrovert. I was more the ambitious literary one who wanted to write clever little plays.
Comedy is the ultimate truth. Jazz is hitting the notes that that no one else would hit, and comedy is saying words that no one else would say.
The way jazz works is that we take a theme, and then we write using the same structure, same chord changes, and then we can do different tunes.
In a big Bollywood romantic film, taking my shirt off and spreading the hand towards the mountain with dancers behind me are not my cup of tea.
There are times when I haven't been proud of America or really proud. But there have been times that I've been incredibly proud of the country.
I'm always in these situations where I forget to separate what is pitched as an idea to the fact that I'm actually going to have to execute it.
The most important thing is to have the conversation, and let people who do make mistakes feel comfortable enough to continue the conversation.
My childhood was great because my family has an amazing sense of humor, and it was just all making videos and jokes and doing skits and things.
I'm a liberal arts comedian and the definition of liberal arts is all spheres of human knowledge, coexisting, mixing and influencing each other.
I think brilliant stuff comes out of working with limitations. One liners are very limiting, but that's what drew me to them in the first place.
Instead of letting anxiety run you, try voicing it. Voice it in your comedy. Voice it in a script. Just voice it, and it'll help you release it.
In Australia, they really want to turn me into a religion. A religion! Can you imagine? The Church of Edna? Oh. I don't want to be over-revered.
It's the classic thing - children's TV gets watched by everybody, not just children. 'Horrible Histories' is the sort of thing everyone watches.
Yes. Yes, when we live our life like 1950s detective films. I often go to my fridge, "Hullo, we're out of milk. I say mother, where's the milk?"
Dentists tell you not to pick your teeth with any sharp metal object. Then you sit in their chair and the first thing they grab is an iron hook.
As long as we define stress as how some person or situation is making us feel, we will have to change the world around us to find peace of mind.
When our worries and fears just don't make sense, it's possible we are trusting the part of the brain that doesn't make sense... it just reacts.
My belief is that if we take away that right to bear arms, the only people that are going to have them are... the ones breaking into your house.
In America, if a Democrat even thinks you're calling him liberal he grabs an orange vest and a rifle and heads into the woods to kill something.