Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
Individuality in dressing is not important to men. If they all look alike it means they haven't made a mistake.
My mother was the worst cook ever. In school, when we traded lunches, I had to throw in an article of clothing.
If you're a drug addict, then you've always got drugs, so you're a criminal. So you're gonna get into problems.
But I did break my mum's heart, because I turned down 'Strictly' twice. I just couldn't do it. It's not for me.
There's a big difference between race and culture. Because racially, I'm an Indian man. Culturally, not at all.
If you come home to a household of chaos and anger and fear, you're not going to feel protected from the world.
I've always allowed myself to go on journeys creatively and emotionally, and never put, like, limits on myself.
There are occasions when I've had beef, but I generally tend to avoid it, as a nod towards my parents' culture.
If a robin redbreast in a cage Puts all heaven in a rage, How feels heaven when Dies the billionth battery hen?
I have a large sea shell collection which I keep scattered on beaches all over the world. Maybe you've seen it.
I don't like politicians, and I don't like politics. I definitely don't want to be associated with any of them.
It always comes down to what the crowd buys coming out of your mouth, which differs from one comic to the next.
Comedy actually works best when you're living in an OK world, and you are pointing out the hypocrisy in apathy.
The truth is nobody can own anything. That was an unheard-of concept among indigenous people. We invented that.
I wish to thank my parents for making it all possible? and I wish to thank my children for making it necessary.
In London it's easy not to be the focus of attention, especially when Sting lives in the house just behind you.
I did theatre in the U.S. because there, content-wise, it's very light. In India, theatre tends to get preachy.
My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.
Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain unless you've used up all the other four-letter words.
Don't bother me while I'm eating, or when I'm coming out of the crackhouse or something. Just let me get going.
L.A. is nothing but a bunch of driving, and I hate all that damn driving 'cause it interferes with my drinking.
I couldn't believe that Donald Trump won. I couldn't believe that we elected an orangutan to front the country.
We have a lot of trans friends. We know lots of people who have been trying to [model]; we know a lot about it.
The ad in the paper said 'Big Sale. Last Week.' Why advertise? I already missed it. They're just rubbing it in.
I always had a tremendous amount of rage about the business, and I thought turning that into comedy was healthy.
2010 has been awesome. I got to write on the David Hasselhoff Roast this summer, and that's always been a dream.
You know how everybody has that one weird creepy uncle? Well, Seth Green looks like he got raped by all of them.
I do dark [humor]. I like people who are silly and weird and people who are surprising and good at what they do.
I like to read, but otherwise I'm just your average, self-obsessed comedian. It's pretty much all I think about.
I'm not the voice of reason; I'm more the guy using these offensive topics as fodder to raise tension in a joke.
I couldn't really see the point of having lunch unless it started at 1:00 and ended a week later in Monte Carlo.
I was processing a lot of different things and kind of looking over a lot of things and rethinking my childhood.
I adored 'Drop the Dead Donkey.' That show defined Channel 4 at the time; it was so inventive and off the leash.
Live comedy's a very reckless, foolhardy profession. You're only as good as your last gig so earnings fluctuate.
I discovered I'm 60 per cent Viking. Well, more Danish, I suppose. I'm also two-and-a-half per cent Neanderthal.
You know the only people who are always sure about the proper way to raise children? Those who've never had any.
I was always 'awake'...Some part of me clamoring for NEW insights and NEW ways to make the world a better place.
At some point in the last 20 years, the left moved to the center, and the right moved into a mental institution.
I think flying planes into a building was a faith-based initiative. I think religion is a neurological disorder.
Last week, I suggested the candidates take up mushrooms. I'll be damned if Rick Perry didn't take me up on that.
We take one group of people and we demonize them. Trying to turn people against our Muslim friend and neighbors.
Avoid people who say they know the answer. Keep the company of people who are trying to understand the question.
I always like to find those little mom-and-pop sandwich places, or diners. Those are my favorite kind of places.
I write about what I know: teenage dating, overly charged sexuality, all the things that make you uncomfortable.
I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful.
Foursomes have left the first tee there and have never been seen again. They just find their shoelaces and bags.
My girlfriend just told me I am one of the smartest people she knows. I told her, You need to meet other people.
I don't know, man. Look at me. I've changed. I've grown up. I've got a job, got a career ... I drink coffee now.
Don't compare yourself with someone else's version of happy or thin. Accepting yourself burns the most calories.
Comedy has been crossing the country with remarkable speed way before the Internet, social media, even cable TV.