Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
Remember: Greed is a bad color on a person.
What does an atheist scream when they come?
The "Power of One" is a slogan--not a goal.
Stupidity is not another form of knowledge.
I always wanted to be a comedian and actor.
Your hard work and talent will not pay off.
I'm so old they've cancelled my blood type.
I have too much money invested in sweaters.
When you have a good time there is no time.
If God is a crutch, then atheism is a coma.
I'm easy to get along with, and intolerant.
My life and my legs have been an open book.
My father has a high opinion of his opinion
Before any exposure on TV, I'm a real chef.
I think pregnancy is a huge responsibility.
Pope John Paul didn't die - he pre-boarded.
Don't judge a book by its thickness either.
I'm from New York, so I'm not a big driver.
Life imitates art but art intimidates life.
I'm not racist, I've got a black president.
Bill Hicks is a huge influence. I love him.
The higher up I went, the less happy I was.
A Wednesday with no rain is a dry hump day.
I am a ceiling fan, especially during rain.
It takes many years to be a great comedian.
I don't really think of myself as an actor.
When the sun comes up, I have morals again.
I've never been able to write for stand-up.
I have such poor vision I can date anybody.
Age is a hell of a price to pay for wisdom.
When will all the rhetorical questions end?
It's never just a game when you're winning.
Christian Deodorant: "Thou Shalt Not Smell"
Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
A cat will blink when struck with a hammer.
Dreams are like paper, they tear so easily.
You are going Uruguay, and I'm going my way
You're only as young as the woman you feel.
Rejection kills, disappointment only maims.
I despise in others my own characteristics.
I really don't require a whole lot in life.
I've had great success being a total idiot.
I'm constantly confused about how to dress.
Be more assertive with what you want to do.
I wish I had AIDS so I could bite somebody.
When someone close to you dies, move seats.
I want to do different things all the time.
I think Australians like a bit of vulgarity
What goes for sex goes double for politics.
I love Lena Dunham. I love, love, love her.