Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
Maybe if we lie down our brains will work.
I took the wife out last night; one punch!
You look like a diabetic strip club owner.
I pay what I have to and not a penny more.
It pays to get drunk with the best people.
I may be gone, but Rock and Roll lives on.
You don't need people's opinion on a fact.
A Southern accent is not a club in my bag.
There is no greater anesthetic than sport.
I'm from the Delbert Home for the Unusual.
I'll die young, but it's like kissing God.
I'm constantly in fear of having a stroke.
By laughing, it helps take our power back.
If you want to effect change, start small.
I love Richard Pryor. I love him to death.
Waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps
I don't pick stuff up, I knock stuff down!
I was obsessed with being rich and famous.
Fear of joy is the darkest of captivities.
Political correctness, to me, is an enemy.
California is prejudiced about fat people.
I'm just terrible. At talking. With words.
Where there's a will - there's a relative!
Body language is more powerful than words.
I don't get no respect, no respect at all!
Time and tide and hookers wait for no man.
I was a poster child... for birth control!
I think life is easier if you're straight.
I was an actor before becoming a comedian.
I quit smoking well over twenty years ago.
Sexually? Your late 40s and 50s? The bomb!
Generally, we admire the thing we are not.
If you have been, I'm glad you've stopped.
I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
Smoking cures weight problems, eventually.
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
My father was a small claims court jester.
At one point he decided enough was enough.
Because I don't believe everything I read.
Funny people don't really laugh very much.
Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
There's no need to fear, Underdog is here!
Actors have no color. That's the art form.
When I was 9 years old, Star Trek came on.
The very definition of 'beauty' is outside.
I'm such a huge 'Arrested Development' fan.
How do you ask a woman to gargle your nuts?
Sport is a loathsome and dangerous pursuit.
Work hard, save and live within your means.
Laughter brings out the child in all of us.