Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
The combination of popcorn, soda, and melted chocolate which covers the floors of movie theaters.
It's going to be a night of partying and heavy drinking. Or as Charlie Sheen calls it: Breakfast.
That's the amazing thing about life. You can just rub it out, like a blackboard, and start again.
Cats probably wouldn't need 9 lives if they wore tiny little helmets and didn't smoke cigarettes.
I told my wife 'hey honey come on, let's make love like the old days.' She asked me for 50 bucks.
It's tough to stay married. My wife says no because she's tired then stays up and reads her book.
And my girlfriend, she's FAT! How fat? She's so fat she wears two watches-one for each time zone!
The sign on the bar said: 'girls- topless, bottomless', I went inside and there was nobody there!
I asked my wife if she would put out the garbage. she said why should I you never put out for me.
When you bump into your own mom at an orgy, it's hard not to get her to read into certain things.
The economy is just a metaphorical device, it’s not real. That's why it's got the word con in it.
If love is something you cherish, it is hard to glean much joy from death, even in one's enemies.
I worked in a watercress bed, picking weeds out of watercress when I was at school. It was awful.
Good drama, challenging drama - and comedy for that matter - has a place in the daytime schedule.
I am 39 years old, and I still wake up every morning really excited I don't have to go to school.
I'm doing stuff on Kaballah and Scientology and a little bit more racial stuff, for good measure.
People don't usually wanna kill me for one of my movies until after they've paid 12 bucks for it.
Maybe it's just L.A., but [high school girls] look like men, like they would have kids and s - t.
I watch a lot of TV. I love nothing more than having a good TV show on DVD, to just plow through.
I am in the Master of Professional Writing program teaching Humor Writing, Literary and Dramatic.
There can't be that many individual souls. Not souls like mine. There isn't room. There can't be.
I like to wake up each morning and not know what I think, that I may reinvent myself in some way.
My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.
I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving.
I was hitchhiking the other day and a hearse stopped. I said, 'No thanks, I'm not going that far.
I used to own an ant farm but had to give it up. I couldn't find tractors small enough to fit it.
I'm forever reading on the Internet that I apparently cultivate this audience and never go badly.
I'd always thought that if Python was going to go on at all, it'd be nice to get into storylines.
I always have a lot of respect for people who do things. Even if it's the worst garbage on earth.
I still live today with my mom sending me, you know, Hebrew Scriptures or phrases or celebrating.
I've had a lot of struggles and I would be in a lot of trouble, I think, if I wasn't a Christian.
I think the reason they cast me as the good girls is because they couldn't find any in Hollywood.
Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness... I thought I'd lost it.
The first thing any comedian does on getting an unscheduled laugh is to verify the state of his .
Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake.
Some government workers are dedicated and work hard, but most of them are just waiting to retire.
With a black president, I can relax... I can dance in public... I can buy a whole watermelon now.
You know the economy is bad when illegals start complaining that Americans are taking their jobs.
It you want to be somebody, If you want to go some where, you've got to wake up and pay attention
Well, we won the war. You know what that means. In twenty years, we'll all be driving Iraqi cars.
If you're conservative in Hollywood, you're on a list of people who need to be put in their place.
Honestly, sometimes I get really fed up of my subconscious - it's like it's got a mind of its own.
I try to go out for everything. I go out for any acting stuff that comes up, and voice-over stuff.
I've always been envious of certainty, of people who always seemed to have a plan for their lives.
I've never wanted to kill myself over anything major. It's always the little things that do me in.
I've had a great time on the road, I would say shooting guns with a silencer in Jacksonville, Fla.
That married couples can live together day after day is a miracle that the Vatican has overlooked.
Men and women belong to different species and communications between them is still in its infancy.
If you have a question about anything, the answer can be found in a book somewhere in the library.
According to the State of Florida, the person with the gun has the right to defend him or herself.