Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
If I had a dreamcatcher when I was thirteen, it would have spent many long days in the dryer.
When somebody says I wouldn't change a thing they're thinking of something they would change.
Once you get offstage you're just like everyone else, and everyone else can get into a fight.
I have a very good life, a high quality of life. I have both money and time. No one has that.
I love summer. Because it means I can wear a bikini top and shorts, even just to go shopping.
I don't know what I'll be like when I'm 60. I already have the traits of a retired gentleman.
I think cats would have an even worse attitude if they found out how stupid their names were.
A recent police study found that you're much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run.
Poor is a state of mind you never grow out of, but being broke is just a temporary condition.
Frank Sinatra enjoyed my humor, so I could say almost anything to him. I mean, within reason.
Big deal... the only cats that don't have three legs are the ones with two through zero legs.
Its not easy being a man you know. I had to get dressed today… and there are other pressures.
Yeah, I think Michael has had to deal with that label of being Michael Caine for a long time.
I like my coffee hot and strong. Like I like my women: hot and strong...with a spoon in them.
We have two hundred languages in Europe. Two hundred languages! Count them! I know you won't!
No day of my life passes without someone saying the words 'Monty Python' to me. It's not bad.
There's animals like us existing and thinking and giving interviews on Australian television.
Nice guys finish first. If you don't know that, then you don't know where the finish line is.
My granddad used to say, If everybody liked the same thing, they'd all be after your grandma.
I get up every morning and read the obituary column. If my name's not there, I eat breakfast.
In show business the key word is honesty. Once you've learned to fake that, the rest is easy.
Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breaths away.
When I was a kid, if a guy got killed in a western movie I always wondered who got his horse.
Every day I beat my own previous record for the number of consecutive days I’ve stayed alive.
Grudges are a waste of perfect happiness. Laugh..apologiz e..let go of what you can't change.
Some people think that words can injure the psyche or the moral fiber. And they really can't.
Never underestimate the role pretension plays when it comes to creating euphemistic language.
If inflation continues to soar, you're going to have to work like a dog just to live like one
I didn't want to be nobody, and that was the only way I could be somebody was to do stand-up.
Customs is punishment for those who travel. This will teach you for traveling to our country!
You know, my father died of cancer when I was a teenager. He had it before it became popular.
I want to do whatever people allow me to do with great people and have a great time doing it.
Health care does not worry me a great deal. I've been impressed by some wonderful old people.
I feel like I am too old to eat jelly. But I am too young to eat prunes. I am between grapes.
Oh, are you from Wales? Do you know a fella named Jonah-He used to live in whales for a while
Maybe instead of buying myself another Barbie, I could donate that to the Kmart Wishing Tree.
Carbondale, Ill. is where I went to college, and it's where I first started putting on shows.
My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
Farrah's dressing room was next to mine. There was a little hole in the wall. I let her look.
I know intellectually that if I shake somebody's hand that I'm not going to get sick and die.
I've been entertaining men with my comedy for many, many years, and I don't plan on stopping.
There's nothing 'flash in the pan' about my career. It's been built fan by fan, city by city.
Most wives think of their husbands as bumbling braggarts with whom they happen to be in love.
It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like.
Men are allowed to age. Men are allowed to gain weight. Men are allowed to be quirky looking.
Blood may be thicker than water, but it is still sticky, unpleasant and generally nauseating.
Having signed a few autographs in my time, I always wonder what the heck people do with them.
The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver.
All I ask is that you tip your waiters and waitresses. We have to turn this situation around.
As Miss America, my goal is to bring peace to the entire world and then get my own apartment.