Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
Knowing comedy is knowing human nature.
I'm not afraid of you, 'American Idol.'
I think I have a mental nappy attitude.
I've got the attention span of a child.
Thank you God for making me an atheist.
Oddly, I am really cool under pressure.
We deserve quality lives with equality.
I really think everything is fair game.
I developed several comedy phone calls.
In the human race today, you came last.
A lot of learning canbe a little thing.
The other man's arse is always cleaner!
I was arrested for lip-syncing karaoke.
I invented the cordless extension cord.
Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
A fool and his money are soon partying.
I eat Swiss cheese from the inside out.
Four years ago... no, it was yesterday.
Man is the only animal to borrow tools.
I never drink water... fish f**k in it.
Sometimes experience trumps assumption.
Alcohol is like Photoshop for real life
I enjoy collaborating with other people.
God makes trees, he doesn't write books.
If you give people a chance, they shine.
Everyone's life experience is different.
Laughter is therapy-an instant vacation.
As long as there is death, there is hope
I've lived through the Great Depression.
I'm old enough to make my own decisions.
All my children inherited perfect pitch.
There's no vacation from being a parent.
Kippers : fish that like a lot of sleep.
I love black people, but I hate niggers.
Are you casting asparagus on my cooking?
I love theater. I grew up doing theater.
No one dies a virgin, Life screws us all
No child should die in the dawn of life.
I don't care if I ever work in TV again.
Glitter is the herpes of craft supplies.
I'm a dyslexic person, so I avoid books.
How hard is it to get female panellists?
I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.
How do you write zero in Roman numerals?
Hard work is for people short on talent.
Christians worship a dead Jew on a stick
Never forget that Hitler was a Catholic.
I intend to live forever, or die trying.
We aim to please... You aim too, please.
Standup is a tough job and a gritty job.