Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
You gotta fight for your right to vote!
I think surprises make TV entertaining.
Men lie the most. Men lie all the time.
Benadryl - the seven-dollar babysitter.
I don't laugh out loud at comics a lot.
I'm not honest, but you're interesting!
It is impossible for a cyclops to wink.
I've never read an article of clothing.
Wind chimes are also earthquake chimes.
Who picks your clothes - Stevie Wonder?
You've got to be able to sell yourself.
I want to be a dog, but I'm a pussycat.
Do your own thing. Speak in your voice.
The message of great art is to disturb.
Nothing in Moderation We all loved him.
I'm 60 years of age. That's 16 Celsius.
How is it possible to have a civil war?
Number one, one, one on wonderful WINO.
Somehow I enjoy watching people suffer.
Always look on the bright side of life.
Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition.
Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
I wish you'd keep my hands to yourself.
Hail, hail Freedonia, land of the free!
What is a home without children? Quiet.
My son is 21. He'll be 22 if I let him.
Are you Polish? Okay, I'll talk slower.
Honesty is nothin' compared to decency.
I did not support Operation Desert Fox.
I'm always going for truth and honesty.
All writing is propaganda for the self.
I would make sweet love to Don Rickles.
You have the sex appeal of Norman Fell.
I don't have jokes that I can't defend.
I don't see myself as offending people.
Yes, I have this crazy honk of a laugh.
I don't want to do just a liberal show.
Racism is what acquitted O. J. Simpson.
I talk funny 'cause I come from Canada.
Unfortunately, I'm used to the insults.
How our government works... it doesn't.
There's no such thing as a cheap laugh.
I love comedians. They're my community.
Everything that people say is testable.
I could never sit down and write jokes.
Jack Paar was my first TV patron saint.
It's extremely hard work keeping fresh.
We advise others better than ourselves.
I've upped my standards. Now, up yours.
Deep down, I happen to be very shallow.