Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
People may think I'm wildly obnoxious.
I love standup comedians. I really do.
We can afford almost any mistake once.
I think looks do matter on television.
Miami Beach is where neon goes to die.
Anger and comedy are really connected.
I think the cleverness is inadvertent.
Essentially, retweets are like laughs.
I'm a radical, and I always have been.
My humor was Victorian - and still is.
I'm not the easiest dude to work with.
Love without limits; reverse the hate.
I don't find monkeys inherently funny.
My following is straight. I'm so glad.
There's always a message in my comedy.
Everywhere I go, people know who I am.
'Time to Move On' is my favorite song.
Good comedians are great philosophers.
Men don't mature. Marry a younger one.
Comedy is a camouflage for depression.
At my age I'm envious of a stiff wind.
I like the Bulls, the Bears - Chicago.
Seinfeld' was never a show in the U.K.
Personally, I'm waiting for caller IQ.
I like the energy of live performance.
Entry is not equivalent to possession.
Is it weird in here, or is it just me?
I used to be a narrator for bad mimes.
Medieval learning was really advanced.
The bottom line of Hollywood is money.
The best thing to break is a contract.
Personal philosophy: Clothing optional
Inappropriate behavior makes me laugh.
Figure out what to do, then take a nap.
Little Boy Blue... he needed the money!
The opposite of sad is down's syndrome.
I'll be very busy, which is all I need.
Nostalgia: How long's that been around?
I get a lot of nutters in my audiences.
I smoke to fill the potholes in my soul
Men are only as loyal as their options.
When we make mistakes they call it evil
Never trust anybody with only one book.
I only scream if screaming is deserved.
Was Einstein's theory good? Relatively.
I become a chameleon for wherever I am.
Every now and then we're going to fail.
The bigger the show, the weirder it is.
I really want to interview Larry David.
Everybody laughs when fatty falls down.