Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
Walk tall; look the world in the eye.
In real life, I am alarmingly boring.
I never really wanted to be on telly.
The hardest thing to write is sitcom.
My characters come from a good place.
Not one word of the following is true
Happiness is no respecter of persons.
How do you get off a non-stop flight?
It's a fine night to have an evening.
It's never fun to read death threats.
Creeps get rewarded for being creepy.
Definition is the death of discovery.
Technology is not good, it's neutral.
I watched a lot of comedy growing up.
Normal is in the eye of the beholder.
I don't know anything about computers.
Criticizing is easy, art is difficult.
All governments are lying cocksuckers.
Oh sorry, I was taking life seriously.
You can't get saved if you don't play.
I just like to write and then perform.
I fully embrace myself as a hypocrite.
I can still chase women, only downhill
Love your enemies and drive them nuts.
I was an altar boy and a choir member.
Worry is a misuse of your imagination.
Men do not settle down. Men surrender.
You don't pay taxes - they take taxes.
Money is the best lotion in the world.
No, I want big ol' titties in my face!
Are you shooting webs of stupid at me?
I have soundtracks for a lot of stuff.
I love being famous - it's phenomenal.
The sofa is the enemy of productivity.
The free man is the man with no fears.
You know what's funny to me? Attitude.
Showbiz is great if you're successful.
My mother was a Jewish General Patton.
You look like a horse in a man costume
I practice safe sex - I use an airbag.
I get a standing ovation just standing
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
More people write poetry than read it.
I believe you can joke about anything.
You bet I'm shy. I'm a shyster lawyer.
Women should be obscene and not heard.
He doesn't get ulcers - he gives them.
All roads lead to my dogs, don't they?
Regulations force people to do better.
Do you know it was a year a ago today?