Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
I've been on the campaign trail so long, some of my wine has turned to vinegar.
I'm a happily married man and I think to get married you have to be optimistic.
Not only do I sing to him, I sing entire conversations. You become Jerry Lewis.
Hunting is not a sport. In a sport, both sides should know they're in the game.
In my entire life I've spent maybe three weeks with my dad under the same roof.
Sophia Loren, whose new baby asked her, Is all that for me? Never got a dinner!
I'm pretty lazy when it comes to creativity. I just want it to be easy and fun.
I'm not one of those Star Wars guys that has seen [my favorite movie] 97 times.
Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings... and lawyers.
Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but if you believe in god, you're wrong.
Hollywood is responsible for some of the greatest and worst movies of all time!
I love 'The Godfather' and 'Casablanca' - great stories, acted well, made well.
My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.
I get so happy when I write a joke. It's a very satisfying, liberating feeling.
Men who tell you they read the Ann Summers catalogue for the articles are lying
I have spent a reasonable percentage of my life in libraries - I like the hush.
At Christmas time we couldn't afford tinsel, so we'd wait till grandpa sneezed.
I want the same standard applied to homosexuals as is applied to heterosexuals.
I believe that God has a plan, and it's your job to show up with an open heart.
I couldn't possibly have sex with someone with such a slender grasp on grammar!
If I've learned one thing, it's 'don't tell the truth.' Lies keep you together.
I get happier every day. I have a sense of accomplishment every day of my life.
Onstage, I'm still wearing my fabulous, sheer dresses because I'm not that big.
I've become this sort of icon for the gay community. I don't like the position.
Luckily, due to my own ego, probably, I'm always quicker to blame other people.
There is freedom of speech in Iran, but there's no freedom after you've spoken.
If you don't go towards the thing you fear, you won't be able to say you lived.
I am afraid that, like Timon of Athens, I just cannot let go of my friendships.
I have a condition that is included among the 200 or so classified as Dwarfism.
I don't watch television, I think it destroys the art of talking about oneself.
I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.
Stand-up is more of an organic process. An imagined dialogue with the audience.
I'm sad for adults who want to be children. And children who want to be adults.
You don't know what people are really like until they're under a lot of stress.
You can smoke marijuana, you can eat it, you can wear it, it's a perfect plant!
Comedy is crowded. There are hundreds of comedians in every place in the world.
The idea is to do out-of-the-box films that showcase my versatility and talent.
I feel like a midget with muddy feet had been walking over my tongue all night.
Back then, I was doing more of my impression of what a comic is supposed to do.
I worked with people like Edward Snowden. Well, not people who took stuff home.
Now we have food networks and everything. CNN was the beginning of all of that.
I've always wanted to do a travel show for people who never thought they could.
My family is weird in a very good way because I was always exposed to the arts.
I don't normally vote. I'm lazy and I never bought into the 'Every vote counts.'
When I do any stand-up, you're the writer, director, and producer. You're alone.
I guess I'm odd-looking. I'm skinny. But I'm not only skinny - I'm oddly shaped.
I was genuinely shocked to even be in the frame for a sitcom role on British TV.
Eddie Murphy was the Michael Jordan of comedy. He had a full range of abilities.
Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born?
I once got sacked for laughing ... mind you, I was driving a hearse at the time.