Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
I would not have a career without Facebook and Twitter. That's the truth.
To me, what the 'Billy on the Street' persona is, is me as a 12-year-old.
I was being called a shock comic. I hated that. It's so cheap and stupid.
If I was confronted with some 20-year-old American hotshot, I'd hate him.
I don't want to put meaning on what I do because I don't know what it is.
Culture is the ability to describe Jane Russell without moving your hands
If I had that kind of money, I wouldn't come to Vietnam, I'd send for it.
I left England when I was four because I found out I could never be King.
I've been playing the game so long that my handicap is in Roman numerals.
My wife said to me, "I want to be cremated." I said, "How about Tuesday?"
The essence of what makes life beautiful is the fact that it can go away.
People that love me, love me. But the people that hate me really hate me.
You can't get any braver than going on national television to be weighed.
Or people who have one baby and go buy a minivan... how big is your baby?
It always freaks me out when I go to a sushi place and there's a Mexican.
Jennifer Aniston is one of the most down-to-earth, low-key people I know.
Sometimes when Im nervous, thats when the most interesting things happen.
I went to a private boys' school, and we had girls in the last two years.
I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.
I was at Michael Jackson's house, and this kid runs out, 'Wait, save me!'
Revenge is good. It's what separates us from the animals and the hippies.
In my family, goodness is just badness before its had something to drink.
This is just a hunch, but I bet airplanes think helicopters are assholes.
Sometimes the only solution is figuring out a bigger problem to focus on.
Of course the sexiest thing a girl can do is not complain about her body.
I don't think I could stab somebody, cause I'm really bad at a Capri Sun.
You know what really shuts up a bully? Learning how to build a pipe-bomb!
I wonder if it's rude for a deaf person to talk with food in their hands.
Reality is a concept that depends largely upon where you point your face.
My credit card company says I have an outstanding balance. I'm flattered.
I think my favorite sound is the sound of someone not playing the bongos.
Brought to you by raising your voice. The next best thing to being right.
If only loud people were even half as interesting as they think they are.
I like digital cameras, because they enable you to reminisce immediately.
The Pursuit of Happiness: It sure seems to like a good chase, doesn't it?
Hot Potato is a very different game when the people playing are starving.
I wear dark sunglasses when I want my head to look more like a limousine.
A parade looks like a bunch of people are excited about being in traffic.
The world is so ass-backwards it almost makes you wish you were dyslexic.
The old days were the old days. And they were great days. But now is now.
Rise and grind... the money ain't gonna wait for you while you sleep son.
If there is a God, his plan is very similar to someone not having a plan.
I'm into humanity. I don't believe in God, but I believe in human beings.
Romance often begins by a splashing waterfall and ends over a leaky sink.
People can tell the truth much more freely when they're apparently lying.
Never give in to peer pressure, especially if the peer is not attractive.
We have chemical weapons in America too, they're called meth and cocaine.
I don't know if you can tell, but I grew up watching a lot of television.
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
After quitting radio I was able to live on the money I saved on aspirins.