Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
Most parents don't worry about a daughter until she fails to show up for breakfast.
We don't create a fantasy world to escape reality. We create it to be able to stay.
If you put me in South Park, that audience is going to fall asleep in five minutes.
Why can't I just Google it like everything else?! I hate you public library system!
My post-child period resulted in one instant change: I write shorter books for kids.
I gave up trying to understand people long ago. Now I let them try to understand me!
Aren't the clouds beautiful? I could just lie here all day, and watch them drift by.
I guess babysitters are like used cars... You never really know what you're getting.
I tend to be the type who is overly polite and sort of ingratiating to other people.
Satire is a form of social control, it's what you do. It's not personal. It's a job.
Sixty minutes of thinking of any kind is bound to lead to confusion and unhappiness.
This is the posture of fortunes slave: one foot in the gravy, one foot in the grave.
The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.
I found myself compelled, like this weird, shameful compulsion to draw cute animals.
Time and space, and freedom. That's what I want most. Isn't that true for all of us?
'The New Yorker' didn't invent the magazine cartoon, but it did really establish it.
There is no other way to change your physical reality but by changing your thoughts.
Life is like eating artichokes; you have got to go through so much to get so little.
'Harry Potter' shouldn't be children's first experience with suspense and plot turns.
Doubt yourself all you want, but you have to make choices in life and live with them.
When you die, are you ever allowed to come back?" "Only if you had your hand stamped.
Dearest darling, how I love you. Words cannot tell how much I love you. So forget it.
I like to leave a little room to innovate and change things around while I'm working.
I just happen to have one of those skill sets that allows me to work in my underwear.
Keith Knight is mapping out a previously unknown vector of the vast cartoon universe.
I never sat down and said, you know, what the world needs is a good, sick cartoonist.
A lot of Thanksgiving days have been ruined by not carving the turkey in the kitchen.
A never-failing way to get rid of a fellow is to tell him something for his own good.
Gossip is vice enjoyed vicariously - the sweet, subtle satisfaction without the risk.
If people only knew how much I secretly hated them, they'd love me for holding it in.
It's almost selfishness, taking care of your mental health. You can't just not do it.
By stripping down an image to essential meaning, an artist can simplify that meaning.
Physical reality springs from the imagination, which follows the path of your beliefs
Ordinary thinking and ordinary effort are almost never enough to generate leadership.
If you put me in 'South Park,' that audience is going to fall asleep in five minutes.
I'd be a Libertarian, if they weren't all a bunch of tax-dodging professional whiners.
And just as it is with all proper grannies, she ordered me into my pink bunny jammies.
'Peace' is when nobody's shooting. A 'just peace' is when our side gets what it wants.
Scott, if your life had a face, I would punch it. I would punch your life in the face.
After 14 years of dieting, there are only two things I've never lost. Hope and weight.
You try for a little happiness, and what do you get? A few memories and a fat stomach!
As long as we only have to lie to the enemy, it's honest enough for me. -Captain Tagon
There are two kinds of light - the glow that illuminates, and the glare that obscures.
A false or misunderstood word may create as much disaster as a sudden thoughtless act.
The election is not very far off when a candidate can recognize you across the street.
You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try.' Homer Simpson
You can't keep blaming yourself. Just blame yourself once, and move on." Homer Simpson
When you're as important as I am, getting your feelings hurt by me is almost an honor.
Modern man is probably a more humiliated and depressed creature than he dares to know.
Humor levels the playing field. I understood that early on - that was something I had.