Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
I run a tight ship, but I try and make it seem like I'm not doing that at all.
This doesn't happen in America! Maybe Ohio, but not in America!" Homer Simpson
We've been running a little behind schedule. But only by about 15 years or so.
I'm not going to stop torturing myself till I figure out the cause of my pain.
Like you do about Nelson Mandela, you can't help feeling the guy's a good man.
It's called 'reading'. It's how people install new software into their brains.
I don't think most people know what's going to be in their obituary, but I do.
And, uh, I've got about six thousand cartoons up there, also books and papers.
To get syndicated as a comic strip artist is as likely as winning the lottery.
I think we're the first generation to successfully integrate American society.
I'm very interested in music and where these sounds of Western music come from.
I hate smoothies. Because they won't offer Firestone IPA beer as an ingredient.
Oh, hey, maybe I should have mentioned that my friends are retarded douchebags.
There are only two secrets to a slimmer shape ... High heels and shoulder pads!
For one brief moment victory was within our grasp!" "And then the game started!
Beethoven can't really be great because his picture isn't on a bubble gum card.
All you require is adore. But just a little chocolate at times will not damage.
I have very limited craftsmanship. And a lot of the stuff I make plays on that.
I think that Van Gogh is really the ultimate crazy artist that we all think of.
I don't think I'd know if I were sitting next to Charles Schulz on an airplane.
Teamwork is wasting half of one's time explaining to others why they are wrong.
I think that maybe if women and children were in charge we would get somewhere.
We are all continually embarking on first drafts, in every aspect of our lives.
If there's anything a public servant hates to do it's something for the public.
Every father expects his boy to do the things he wouldn't do when he was young.
The only time some fellows are seen with their wives is after they're indicted.
A bad cold wouldn't be so annoying if it weren't for the advice of our friends.
No matter what, expect the unexpected. And whenever possible BE the unexpected.
The strips are nearly effortless unless I am really emotionally upset, a wreck.
Love one another and you will be happy. It's as simple and as difficult as that
Advertising is just a symptom, a tactic. Marketing is about far more than that.
Either you’re going to tell stories that spread, or you will become irrelevant.
If somebody is not on the same page with me humor wise, I can't give them that.
We need more cartoonists to truly retire when they retire, and not run repeats.
A manifesto, a diary, a crumpled suicide note, and a still relevant love letter.
Okay, this might sound vague, but do you know this one girl with hair like this?
'Monkey Island 2' was a huge game for me. It kind of taught me all about comedy.
If you grit your teeth and show real determination, you'll always have a chance.
Snoopy didn't start off being a Beagle. It's just that 'beagle' is a funny word.
The pathways of crime are clearly marked. There's a doublecross on every corner.
Humor is falling downstairs if you do it in the act of telling your wife not to.
On Career Day in high school, you don't walk around looking for the cartoon guy.
My dream in life is to write the one gag that makes everyone in the world laugh.
It is not size or age that separates children from adults. It is responsibility.
I'm well beyond dyslexic: I have no sense of direction; I never know where I am.
If some people didn't tell you, you'd never know they'd been away on a vacation.
There isn't much to be seen in a little town, but what you hear makes up for it.
Knowin' all about baseball is just about as profitable as bein' a good whittler.
The fellow that owns his own home is always just coming out of a hardware store.
Aren't we forgeting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa.