Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
A compromise is a settlement by which each side gets what neither side wanted.
A husband may forget where he went on his honeymoon, but he never forgets why.
Diets show to what great lengths women will go so as not to go to great widths.
Divorce has become so easy nowadays that women have stopped crying at weddings.
The saddest thing in life is to marry a woman who looks like a cook--and isn't.
The lazy man claims he is too heavy for light work and too light for heavy work.
If you want to know how little your dignity is worth, take it to the pawnbroker.
A girl never cares who casts the first stone at her -- as long as it's a diamond
The tongue is the only muscle in the human body that never gets tired [talking].
Most new books are forgotten within a year, especially by those who borrow them.
In a democracy, you believe it or not; in a dictatorship, you believe it or else.
The honeymoon is the only period when a woman isn't trying to reform her husband.
The lecturer who is full of his subject is usually very slow in emptying himself.
A home in the country is what a city man hopes to buy and a farmer hopes to sell.
Many people will laugh at the drop of a hat, especially if the man is still in it.
A bacteriologist is a man whose conversation always start with the germ of an idea.
The secret of successful writing lies in striking the right keys on the typewriter.
Some people worry because they are in debt; others, because they can't even get in.
Experience is a great teacher, and sometimes a pretty teacher is a great experience.
Public speaking is the art of diluting a two-minute idea with a two-hour vocabulary.
A special skill, like speaking several languages, or keeping your mouth shut in one.
Some members of Congress ought to have their mouths taped instead of their speeches.
Bureaucracy is more people doing less things, and taking more time to do them worse.
The only way to cure an egotist from bragging is by surgery--amputation at the neck.
You can tell a man's taste in literature by his judgment in knowing what not to read.
Many a woman would get a divorce if she could do it without making her husband happy.
Nowadays it's not who wears the pants in the family, but who carries the credit cards.
An expert is someone who takes something you already know and makes it sound confusing.
A bore finds it easy to start talking, and even easier to get others to stop listening.
A wedding is the formality a man has to go through before going to work for a new boss.
[Statistics] The science that can prove everything except the usefulness of statistics.
Many a wedding takes place when a man can't afford to go steady with a girl any longer.
A credit card is a convenient device that saves you the trouble of counting your change.
The trouble with dieting is that a pound of will power takes off only an ounce of weight.
If you can't bear to have your face stepped on, don't try to climb the ladder of success.
You can't judge the ability of a doctor by the amount of praise the undertakers give him.
The most popular form of altruism is giving to others the advice you cannot use yourself.
Adolescence begins when children stop asking questions-because they know all the answers.
Definition of Statistics: The science of producing unreliable facts from reliable figures.
Some people would never get any exercise at all if they didn't have to walk to their cars.
Washington is the place where nobody believes a rumor until it has been officially denied.
The first requisite for a good cup of coffee in the morning is to get your wife out of bed.
Sometimes the unexpected happens when you don't expect a person to come up to expectations.
All things come to him who waits, but they are mostly leftovers from those who didn't wait.
Every bride and groom would do well to remember that in wedding, the we comes before the I.
The Lord takes care of his own, but church trustees still put lightning rods on the steeple.
A cynic sees little to admire in the world, while the world sees even less to admire in him.
There is a lot of difference between the man who is not able and his brother who is notable.
A homosexual is the only man who ever meets a man he would like to marry if he were a woman.
Common sense is usually lack of imagination, and imagination is usually lack of common sense.