Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
I was originally set to star in 'The Bourne Identity,' but I found it too difficult to even pretend to forget who I was.
Is 'Garden State' the next 'Citizen Kane'? Of course not. I'd like to think we aimed a little higher than that, frankly.
I believe the general consensus is the bigger it is, the more women flock to you. I guess its a good thing mine is HUGE!
I'm pretty sure Africa was made up by the media to scare people. I mean, I've never seen it. Have you? I didn't think so.
I mean, nobody's ever thrown a big rock at me or my friends, but we're all pretty tough guys and could probably handle it.
I really couldn't say how famous I really am, that's for the history books to decide. But I'll probably be pretty up there.
I want to take piano lessons, I want to study at university, I want to travel, I want to do other parts, make another movie.
In a perfect world, everybody would be gay. I mean if everybody looked like Zach Braff, you just wouldn't be able to resist.
I like the punch beggers and panhandlers when they ask me for change. I feel like I am doing my part to clean up the streets.
I've had to remove all mirrors from my home. I just can't seem to look at myself without having to buff the bishop, you know?
It depresses me when people expect me to be like the characters I play on film. I'm not some whiny loser punk, I'm a man's man.
Bigger than the Beatles? Well, how many grammys did they win? Exactly, none, yet I have one, and I've never even released a CD.
In April 1975 I was born and the Vietnam War ended. I could not let any American die in war before seeing an episode of Scrubs.
The biggest problem I had with starring in Scrubs were the black doctors. I just had to keep telling myself this show was satire.
I always liked the story of Noah's Ark and the idea of starting anew by rescuing the things you like and leaving the rest behind.
Sure, it was terrible and all, but you have to ask yourself: If the whole city was flooded, why couldn't they just swim to safety?
After all meat is meat. I don't understand why so many people are bithing about it. It's very healthy and contains lots of vitamins
I actually did ponder doing the Brad Pitt/Angelina Jolie thing and get a kid from Ethiopia. But you know, I already have an ashtray.
If we've learned anything, it's that the combination of yellow smiley faces and blue polyester vests are irresistible to the inbred.
It's not terrible, I guess, but if Ricky Gervais was half as talented as me, maybe the show would actually be funny once in a while.
I'm sick of people saying I hate blacks, women, and gays. It's false and slanderous. Everyone who knows me knows I hate the Chinese.
A lot of people consider 9/11 to be a tragedy, and in some ways it is, but I think there's also opportunity for a lot of humor there.
When I first moved to L.A., I thought about turning gay. Then I realized none of the guys I was interested in was good enough for me.
Ya know, Hitler was this evil, evil man. But with the World Bank and Israel manipulating America, he might have been on to something.
Prohibition didn't work, so why should emancipation work? I think we should just stick with a system that has proven to be effective.
Yeah i thought about making the character of JD gay... But then i thought, but what about all the poor girls dreams you'll be crushing
Have I ever had sex with a hooker? I'd like to answer that question with a question of my own. Can just anyone look up police records?
I did theater for a few years while I was in New York, but it was tough having to perform scripts worse than what I knew I could write.
Ever since I was little it was programmed into me that London is where great theatre occurs and all the big shows you love start there.
I was kosher until I had my Bar Mitzvah, and I parlayed officially becoming a man into telling my father I wanted to eat cheeseburgers.
I am really driven, but my drive doesn't affect the conversations I have in my head about life, and worries and fears and insecurities.
You always see black people complaining about this and that, but you never see me complaining about how slow they work on my plantation.
I wouldn't say I'm bigger than Jesus. If I had to guess, I'd say probably, yeah, but as far as I know, the bible is never clear on this.
At first, I didn't really care if global warming existed. But then I realized it means that less bums would freeze to death in the winter
I've been doing som jogging at home recently and every time I try the distance I end up beating his time with like three or four seconds.
I don't get why arabs are so pissed off at us. I mean they have enough oil for all of them to drive a hummer at what, maybe 1.50 a gallon?
I am really driven, but my drive doesn't effect the conversations I have in my head about life, and my worries and fears and insecurities.
Dude, writing, acting and directing are such easy jobs. But to do them all as awesomely as Zach Braff does, well that... that's something.
Yeah i saw An Inconvenient Truth, and i dont want to say it was preachy but let's not kid ourselves, i've got far more important work to do
Best movie ever?! Come on, my appearance on Arrested Development had more dynamics, realism and feel to it than the whole trilogy combined.
Once both gay marriage and marijuana are finally legal, those of you against them are not invited to the really fun parties I'm gonna throw.
I've never had much sympathy for orphans, I mean, when I was their age I would have killed to have no parents to make me clean my room and stuff
They say the number on rule in showbusiness is not to work with animals. I guess I'm above the rules because I put up with that for seven years.
Yeah, the gay pride movement is precious and all, but I think it's about time we asked ourselves what gay people really have to offer to society.
Don't get me wrong, I love the idea of killing unwanted babies, it's just that the idea of letting women make a decision doesn't sit well with me.
Yeah, I've banged some female costars. I swore I'd never tell their names, so instead I'll present some anagrams: Sahar Clahke and Haether Gharam.
I mean, I'm a writer, actor, AND director. Not to rock the boat or anything, but compare that to a carpenter and, in the end, who is the better man?
I never go looking for child pornography, but I mean, if somebody sends me an email with some pictures, I'm not going to turn around and report them.
The problem with doing commercials is that the only thing good enough for me to sell is myself, and I stopped doing that once I kicked my coke habit.
If Democrats want to start winning elections in this country, they're going to have to start connecting with voters as well as I connect with my fans.