Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
I had a very funny family.
The Jews are just clumsy bakers.
Hitler was about population control.
I really like just super dry comedy.
She can't say no if she's unconscious.
I guess sometimes God just needs to laugh
I never looked at bread the same way again
Don't get me started on cold toilet seats.
I think I suffer from some mild depression.
Yea, he's alright...but he's no Zach Braff.
Im just not really attracted to black chicks.
I find my movie props in my neighbors houses.
I mean, what's eleven million people now days?
I know every politician spins the truth a little.
Yea, I had a dream too. Looks like mine came true.
Didn't we learn our lesson from Planet of the Apes?
I love 'Scrubs.' It's the best day job in the world.
If nothing else, I'm making a movie that I'll enjoy.
Oh I love children, but I could never eat a whole one.
I really don't give a care, I'm going to live for ever
It's just Gods way of getting babies to heaven faster!
It turns out Superman is weak to Kryptonite and horses.
I'm kind of jealous of the life I'm supposedly leading.
Seriously, when's the last time you saw me wear shorts?
I'm not an hour late. You guys were just an hour early.
Hitler had the right idea. He was just an underachiever.
That Hugh Laurie show is nothing but Scrubs fan fiction.
I'd never hit a woman unless I was already out of Viagra.
My co-stars aren't bad actors, but they're no Zach Braff.
The best way to travel abroad is to live with the locals.
I procrastinate so much and I get distracted by anything.
The easiest way to lose something is to want it too badly.
If I had a billion dollars I would...oh wait...already do.
Women are like parking spots, the best ones are handicapped.
Complete garbage. It's like Garden State, but in outer space.
I know the Bible isn't real because it never once mentions me.
Gay men in L.A. are all a bunch of tens looking for an eleven.
If John McCain were really a war hero he would've won Vietnam.
It has been pretty much downhill ever since the 13th amendment
Sure the jews killed jesus, but the guy was an awful carpenter
Yea, I've got a dream too. It involves time-travel and a rifle.
I use the N word almost daily. It reminds me that I'm successful
I was mad when I heard The Amazing Race wasn't about white people.
My favorite meal? It has to be furburgers everyday in the morning.
I never really understood all the hype, until I got one of my own.
It's hard for me not to be extraordinarily cute. I had to fight it.
My tears cure cancer too, it's just that I laugh at cancer patients.
I can't say I agree with something that takes the focus away from me.
I don't want to be one of those guys, but Snape DOES kill Dumbledore.
I'm grown ass man and grown ass men can do whatever they want, got it?