Woody Allen Quotes - Page 8

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I just can't listen to any more Wagner, you know...I'm starting to get the urge to conquer Poland.

I feel about New York as a child whose father is a bank robber. Not perfect, but I still love him.

There's no correlation between what the public likes and what I'm after. I'm in a different world.

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.

There are two important things in the world, the first is sex. The other isn't all that important.

The prison psychiatrist asked me if I thought sex was dirty. I told him only when it's done right.

Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

The audience goes to sleep really quickly! If you have a slight pause at the wrong time, that's it!

I don't think my film style has changed. I'm doing the same kind of jokes I did when I was younger.

Me sitting down for dinner with Ingmar Bergman felt like a house painter sitting down with Picasso.

When you start putting a higher value on works of art than people, you’re forfeiting your humanity.

At the trial Stubbs chose to act as his own lawyer, but a conflict over his fee led to ill feelings.

A wife lasts only for the length of the marriage, but an ex-wife is there for the rest of your life.

The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have, instead of what you don't have.

The chief problem about death ... is the fear that there may be no afterlife - a depressing thought.

Figures tell us there are already more people on earth than we need to move even the heaviest piano.

Paris is a very exciting city. I learned about Paris the same way that Americans do: from the movies.

Life is a tragedy filled with suffering and despair and yet some people do manage to avoid jury duty.

Show business is dog eat dog. It's worse than dog eat dog. It's dog doesn't return dog's phone calls.

Rather than live on in the hearts and minds of my fellow man, I would rather live on in my apartment.

Your still searching for me in every woman. You'll always seek to duplicate what we had. You know it.

The artist's job is not to succumb to despair but to find an antidote for the emptiness of existence.

My heart says one thing. My head says another. Very hard to get your heart and head together in life.

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?

I don't know what the hell I'm doing here. I'm 237 years old, I should be collecting social security.

You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.

But it was I - yes I - who discovered the link between excessive masturbation and entry into politics!

Sex is like having dinner: sometimes you joke about the dishes, sometimes you take the meal seriously.

When I was born my mother was terribly disappointed. Not that she wanted a girl - she wanted a divorce.

I'm very old-fashioned. I believe that people should stay married for life, like pigeons and Catholics.

The great question of philosophy remains: If life is meaningless, what can be done about alphabet soup?

I had a mad impulse to throw you down on the lunar surface and commit interstellar perversion with you.

There are three rings involved with marriage. The engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering.

Don't think of death as an ending. Think of it as a really effective way of cutting down your expenses.

Sex is better than talk. Ask anybody in this bar. Talk is what you suffer through so you can get to sex.

Why not? Life is short, life is dull, life is full of pain - and this is a chance for something special.

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.

The prettiest women are almost always the most boring, and that is why some people feel there is no God.

My films are therapy for my debilitating depression. In institutions people weave baskets. I make films.

Am I my brother's keeper? Yes. Interestingly, in my case, I share that honor with the Prospect Park Zoo.

I have no idea what I am doing but incompetence has never prevented me from plunging in with enthusiasm.

If you take a frown and turn it upside down, the person you are holding by the ankles will soon pass out.

Love is too weak a word for what I feel - I luuurve you, you know, I loave you, I luff you, two F's, yes.

My grandfather was a very insignificant man, actually. At his funeral his hearse followed the other cars.

How does gravity work? And if it were to cease suddenly, would certain restaurants still require a jacket?

And my parents finally realize I'm kidnapped and they snap into action immediately: They rent out my room.

If I could just hope to have a major talent, then I would rather have it in music than in any other field.

As the author you know how you want it to appear on screen and it's always the content dictating the form.

Sex and death. Two things that come but once in my lifetime, but at least after death you're not nauseous.

We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives.

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