Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
I'm really a timid person - I was beaten up by Quakers
I'm short enough and ugly enough to succeed on my own.
Sentence structure is innate, but whining is acquired.
Don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone I love.
He's a politician. That's a notch below child molester.
Early in life, I was visited by the bluebird of anxiety
The audience is making the film and not the film-maker.
Talent is luck. The important thing in life is courage.
The only thing standing between me and greatness is me.
A tree never hits an automobile except in self defense.
When you are dead, it is hard to find the light switch.
People think I'm an artist because my films lose money.
I was thrown out of NYU for cheating-with the deans wife
I love nature, I just don't want to get any of it on me.
To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
Never shoot up in the air when you're standing under it.
That (sex) was the most fun I ever had without laughing.
I think crime pays. The hours are good, you travel a lot
Maybe the poets are right. Maybe love is the only answer.
I was a smart kid and I was not understood by my parents.
I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.
It's all through the actors; I cannot write in that idiom
If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.
Photons have mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic.
Just don't take any class where you have to read BEOWULF.
What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream?
I have an intense desire to return to the womb. Anybody's.
It's just gossip, you know. Gossip is the new pornography.
The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small.
Well, if I don't get at least 16 hours, I'm a basket case.
We laughed over it, and Hemingway punched me in the mouth.
Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.
I've become the person I've always hated, but I'm happier.
Raised by two mothers...wow, most of us barely survive one
What is it about death that bothers me? Probably the hours.
The dictatorship is shut up, democracy is always concerned.
I'm trying to arrange my life so I don't have to be present.
I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer.
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
Heaven knows, we all make mistakes. That's life - and chess.
Honey, there's a spider in your bathroom the size of a Buick.
With me; it's just a genetic dissatisfaction with everything.
When a doctor makes a mistake, it's best to bury the subject.
I recently turned 60. Practically a third of my life is over.
I got a divorce because my ex-wife left me for another woman.
I ran into Isosceles. He had a great idea for a new triangle!
Harvard makes mistakes too, you know. Kissinger taught there.
In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.
I'm so excited-I think today I'm going to brush all my teeth.
The meaning of life is that nobody knows the meaning of life.