Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
People are stupider than anybody.
Irreverence is easy - whats hard is wit.
Irreverence is easy - what's hard is wit.
When correctly viewed, everything is lewd.
I wasn't really a performer by temperament.
If the hoods don't get you, the monoxide will.
Don't drink the water and don't breathe the air!
Bad weather always looks worse through a window.
Laughter is involuntary. If it's funny you laugh.
Be it ever so decadent, there's no place like home.
You cant be satirical and not be offensive to somebody.
Angels we have heard on High Tell us to go out and Buy.
Apart from that Mrs Lincoln, how did you enjoy the play?
Once the rockets are up, who cares where they come down?
You can't be satirical and not be offensive to somebody.
I loved high school, but I wouldn't want to do it again.
Don't write naughty words on the wall if you can't spell!
Well, you ask a silly question, and you get a silly answer.
Hark, the Herald Tribune sings, Advertising wondrous things!
Always predict the worst, and you'll be hailed as a prophet.
When you get to fifty-two food becomes more important than sex.
I went from adolescence to senility, trying to bypass maturity.
I wish people who have trouble communicating would just shut up.
They love us everywhere we go. So when in doubt, send the Marines.
An actress must never lose her ego - without it she has no talent.
Be careful not to do your good deeds when there's no one watching you.
Base eight is just like base ten really, if you're missing two fingers.
Life is like a piano. What you get out of it depends on how you play it.
You can raise welts like nobody else, as we dance to the Masochism Tango.
Some of you may have met mathematicians and wondered how they got that way.
Life is like a sewer: what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.
San Francisco is a city of twenty-something millionaire white kids named Doug.
The Lord's our shepherd, says the psalm. But just in case, we better get a bomb.
If a person feels he can't communicate, the least he can do is shut up about it.
Counting in octal is just like counting in decimal, if you don't use your thumbs.
I don't want to satirise George Bush and his puppeteers, I want to vaporise them.
Counting in octal is just likst counting in decimal--if you don't use your thumbs.
Once the rockets are up, who cares where they come down ? That's not my department.
The reason most folksongs are so atrocious is that they were written by the people.
Everything is so weird in politics that it's very hard to be funny about it, I think.
People would go anywhere to see a famous person in the flesh, no matter what they do.
It is a sobering thought that when Mozart was my age, he had been dead for two years.
I like Jon Stewart. He's not as obnoxious as Dennis Miller, whom I really can't stand.
I ache for the touch of your lips dear, but much more for the touch of your whips dear.
Step up and shake the hand Of someone you can't stand, You can tolerate him if you try!
Be prepared, and be careful not to do your good deeds when there's no one watching you.
I don't have the temperament of a performer, and I certainly couldn't do it every night.
Political satire became obsolete when Henry Kissinger was awarded the Nobel peace prize.
Political satire became obsolete when they awarded Henry Kissinger the Nobel Peace Prize.
I feel that if a person has problems communicating the very least he can do is to shut up.