Quotes by Tim Conway - Page 1

When I watch TV, I'm embarrassed by some of what's on.
Tim Conway / Comedian
Embarrassed
Tvs
Watches
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It's hard to be sad when you're laughing, so I enjoy making people happy.
Tim Conway / Comedian
Enjoy
Laughing
People
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People enjoy sitting back knowing they won't hear a lot of four-letter words.
Tim Conway / Comedian
Knowing
People
Sitting
Four-Letter
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My career is pretty much over. I'm out in the Valley eating soft-boiled eggs.
Tim Conway / Comedian
Careers
Eating
Eggs
Valleys
Valley
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I like to work a lot with wood. I make furniture that falls apart. I also sew.
Tim Conway / Comedian
Fall
Falling Apart
Furniture
Woods
Also
Apart
Falls
Sew
Wood
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I have a lot of awards in my house that I have absolutely no idea what they are for.
Tim Conway / Comedian
Awards
No Idea
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I avoid all the language and nudity and violence and everything. I have enough of that at home.
Tim Conway / Comedian
Avoid
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My parents were very funny - they didn't know it. But they were. They were actually sharing an IQ.
Tim Conway / Comedian
Iq
Sharing
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I spend a lot of time thinking of the Hereafter - each time I enter a room I wonder what I'm here after.
Tim Conway / Comedian
Inspirational
Rooms
Thinking
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I've never really taken anything very seriously. I enjoy life because I enjoy making other people enjoy it.
Tim Conway / Comedian
Enjoy
Enjoy Life
People
Taken
Life Enjoy Life People
Anything
Life People Anything
Making
Seriously
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Actually, we've done 75 of these shows and every one of them has sold out. But then we buy all the tickets.
Tim Conway / Comedian
Tickets
Sold
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I resent my barber when he charges the full cost after he cuts my hair, but he says he's charging me for finding it.
Tim Conway / Comedian
Cutting
Hair
Looks
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Don Knotts was a really big influence, especially on the Steve Allen show. I mean, look at the guy, his entire life is in his face.
Tim Conway / Comedian
Guy
Influence
Looks
Mean
Allen
Life Face Look
Big Influence
Entire Life
Steve
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If only my folks had beaten me, I could have gotten some material about my miserable childhood. But as it is, I've had a great life.
Tim Conway / Comedian
Beaten
Childhood
Folks
Miserable
Life Great Me
Life Great Childhood
Gotten
Great Life
Material
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Fortunately my wife is understanding. When I come home from the races she never asks any questions, if I tell her I just ate a $380 hot dog.
Tim Conway / Comedian
Home
Dog
Gambling
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At first I wanted to be a jockey. I rode horses in Cleveland but I kept falling off and I was afraid of horses. So there wasn't much of a future in it.
Tim Conway / Comedian
Cleveland
Fall
Horse
Afraid
Falling
Horses
Jockey
Rode
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If I wouldn't offend my religion or God, why would I want to offend an audience because in effect those people are being watched over by the same person.
Tim Conway / Comedian
God Religion People
Offend
Watched
Effect
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I would get ill before going onstage - something about getting in front of people, and if they don't laugh, I'm a bomb. I got over it when somebody laughed.
Tim Conway / Comedian
Ill
Laughed
Over It
Bomb
Onstage
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You can't TV surf without coming across an Andy of Mayberry episode where you've just got to watch Don as Barney. That's why I put Don in several of my movies.
Tim Conway / Comedian
Surf
Across
Andy
Barney
Episode
Several
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Harvey never had an original idea or thought in his life. I was out wandering around the country doing charity benefits, mainly, when I asked him to come along.
Tim Conway / Comedian
Benefits
Charity
Harvey
Life Doing Never
Wandering
Mainly
Original Idea
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You can't TV surf without coming across an Andy of Mayberry episode where you've just got to watch Don as Barney. And that's why I put Don in several of my movies.
Tim Conway / Comedian
Surfing
Tvs
Watches
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I figure you're only here for a matter of moments. Ever since I was a kid watching movies I've always wanted to make people laugh or have some sort of emotional reaction.
Tim Conway / Comedian
Kids
Emotional
Moments
People
Reaction
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I've known Harvey for over 40 years and I worked with him on the Burnett show for 11 years. I guess you could say we're about as close as you can get to being a comedy team.
Tim Conway / Comedian
Harvey
Over You
Team
Years
Burnett
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A lot of people like to live on laurels that happened 20 or 30 years ago, but it's nice to get awards. It's nice to be labeled and things like that, but I'm not sure everybody qualifies.
Tim Conway / Comedian
Awards
Laurels
Nice
Years
People Live Things
Labeled
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The reason 'The Carol Burnett Show' did so well in the ratings is because people were looking for that comfort zone when the whole family sat around and watched television and enjoyed it.
Tim Conway / Comedian
Comfort
Comfort Zone
Enjoyed
People
Television
Zone
Watched
Burnett
Carol
Carol Burnett
Ratings
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We kept a broad audience, and we didn't make fun of people who had necessarily made mistakes in their life and burned them to the ground. We made fun of a commercial or a movie or ourselves.
Tim Conway / Comedian
Burned
Life People Fun
Mistakes
Broad
Life Fun People
Commercial
Ground
Necessarily
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I don't watch a lot of TV anymore. A lot of it isn't the kind of thing you can feel comfortable with watching with your kids. And I still feel that way even though, now, my kids are in their 30s.
Tim Conway / Comedian
Kids
Watches
Way
Anymore
Your Feel Way
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Phyllis Diller came through a mine field of male comedians when she arrived on the comedy scene and she defused them all. She won her place in the Hall of Comedy as the First Lady. I will miss her.
Tim Conway / Comedian
Comedian
Males
Missing
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Nowadays they have 12 directors and 15 producers and 30 writers. And all the writers want their lines said a certain way-which isn't necessarily funny. I mean the lines aren't necessarily so funny to begin with.
Tim Conway / Comedian
Lines
Producers
Begin
Writers
Necessarily
Nowadays
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Why do you do what you do? Why do you dress the way you dress?Why do you do what you do with your time? Why do you watch what you watch on TV or at the movies or on the computer? Do you have God-glorifying reasons for all of it?
Tim Conway / Comedian
Dresses
Watches
Way
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I was dyslexic - was, still am - 'cause I would see words that weren't there. And people just started laughing, and I thought, well, this is a good way to make a living. I'll just go downtown to read and have people laugh, you know?
Tim Conway / Comedian
Downtown
Good Way
Words
Good People Words
Living
Cause
Read
Good Words People
Good Living People
Laugh
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As a kid I was short and only weighed 95 pounds. And though I was active in a lot of Sports and got along with most of the guys, I think I used comedy as a defense mechanism. You know making someone laugh is a much better way to solve a problem than by using your fists.
Tim Conway / Comedian
Kids
Sports
Active
Comedy
Defense
Fists
Mechanism
Pounds
Solve
Thinking
Better Way
Defense Mechanism
Short
Guys
Laugh
Weighed
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I think there are a lot of things out there that are humorous that people don't realize until you actually show them what is going on. Saran Wrap for one thing. You know, you could pull enough of that out of the box and it will actually kill you. It will get a hold of you, stick to you, and choke you to death.
Tim Conway / Comedian
Choke
Humorous
Box
Pull
Stick
Wrap
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Tim Conway Quotes - Page 1

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