Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
How many people does it take to change a searchlight bulb?
I got food poisoning today. I don't know when I'll use it.
I've never seen electricity, that's why I don't pay for it
Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
Why buy a product that it takes 2000 flushes to get rid of?
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
I have not lost my mind - it's backed up on disk somewhere.
I bought some powdered water, but I don’t know what to add.
I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Isn't the best way to save face to keep the lower part shut?
If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?
Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
I wear my heart on my sleeve. I wear my liver on my pant leg.
What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?
Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
I have a paper cut from writing my suicide note. It's a start.
I don’t have to walk my dog anymore. I walked him all at once.
Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
For my sister's 50th birthday, I sent her a singing mammogram.
Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don't have film.
What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way?
Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route.
I'm addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn't matter.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
Should you trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent?
I tried to hang myself with a bungee cord. I kept almost dying.
How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
Why doesn’t the fattest man in the world become a hockey goalie?
If you melt dry ice in a pool and go swimming, will you get wet?
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
Everything is within walking distance, as long as you have time.
I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.
I’m so tired... I was up all night trying to round off infinity.
Do the people in Australia call the rest of the world 'Up Over'?
I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.
Whose cruel idea was it for the word “lisp” to have an “s” in it?
I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
If a mute kid swears, should his mother wash his hands with soap?
The sign said "eight items or less". So I changed my name to Les.
If you had a million Shakespeares, could they write like a monkey?
Why are they called a-part-ments, when they're all stuck together?
Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?