Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
If I melt dry ice, can I swim without getting wet?
If you shoot a Mime, do you need to use a silencer?
always remember your unique, just like everone else
If you are killing time, are you damaging eternity?
If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
I bought a million lottery tickets. I won a dollar.
I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.
When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.
I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.
The sky is falling. No, I'm tipping over backwards.
Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
I put hardwood floors on top of wall-to-wall carpet.
When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?
I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.
Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?
I saw a tree fall in the woods, and I didn't hear it.
Is boneless chicken considered to be an invertebrate?
Snakes have no arms. That's why they don't wear vests.
Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?
My secret to staying young... Having no sense of time.
I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.
The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.
I Xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra Xerox machine.
Did you sleep well?" "No, I made a couple of mistakes.
Why is the third hand on a watch called a second hand?
I got a garage door opener. It can't close. Just open.
If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses.
When I die, I'm gonna leave my body to science fiction.
All those who believe in psychokinesis - raise my hand.
I took a lie detector test the other day. No, I didn't.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat
I haven't changed at all. I'm the same as when I was 11.
Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out.
43.7 per cent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
Why are there five syllables in the word “monosyllabic”?
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.
I'm moving to Mars next week, so if you have any boxes...
I couldn't find the remote control to the remote control.
Imagine Oshkosh straitjackets for little insane children.
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
It's like the Wild West, the Internet. There are no rules.
Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.
Black holes result from God dividing the universe by zero.