Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, "Didn't you see the stop sign?" I said, "Yeah, but I don't believe everything I read"
I lost a button hole.
I took a baby shower.
Clones are people two.
Does fuzzy logic tickle?
I washed mud off of mud.
What do batteries run on?
I just lost a buttonhole.
Is 'tired old cliché' one?
I'm a peripheral visionary.
Sometimes I... No, I don't.
I had amnesia once or twice.
A metaphor is like a simile.
I had my coat hangers spayed.
I was skydiving horizontally.
Hermits have no peer pressure.
I'm not naked, I'm in the band.
Imagine Pulitzer prizefighting.
The sky already fell. Now what?
Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
I was an only child, eventually.
Do fish get cramps after eating?
I can't stop thinking like this.
OK, so what's the speed of dark?
What a nice night for an evening.
Tinsel is really snakes' mirrors.
I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
How young can you die of old age?
Even snakes are afraid of snakes.
What's another word for Thesaurus?
How can there be self-help groups?
Day One: Still tired from the move.
Do you have any toy train schedules?
How do you get off a non-stop flight?
It's a fine night to have an evening.
Is it possible to be totally partial?
Is it weird in here, or is it just me?
I used to be a narrator for bad mimes.
A fool and his money are soon partying.
I eat Swiss cheese from the inside out.
I was arrested for lip-syncing karaoke.
I invented the cordless extension cord.
Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
Four years ago... no, it was yesterday.
99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
I have a fax machine with "fax waiting".
I thought I would be a guy on the radio.
How come abbreviated is such a long word?
I was once arrested for resisting arrest.
If God dropped acid, would he see people?
