Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
I handed in a script last year and the studio didn't change one word. The word they didn't change was on page 87.
I believe entertainment can aspire to be art, and can become art, but if you set out to make art you're an idiot.
There is one thing I would break up over, and that is if she caught me with another woman. I won't stand for that.
Lacy was just as happy alone as with company. When she was alone, she was potential; with others she was realized.
I believe in eight of the ten commandments. I believe in going to church every Sunday... unless there's a game on.
I was always very shy but as I get older I think, What am I being shy for? You just grow weary of your own hang-ups.
The self-prepared dinner is a great time killer for lonely people and as much time should be spent on it as possible.
I was not naturally talented. I didn't sing, dance or act, though working around that minor detail made me inventive.
When your hobbies get in the way of your work - that's OK; but when your hobbies get in the way of themselves... well.
College totally changed my life. It changed what I believe and what I think about everything. I majored in philosophy.
Hollywood must be the only place on earth where you can be fired by a man wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a baseball cap.
I just believe that the interesting time in a career is pre-success, what shaped things, how did you get to this point.
It was so sweet backstage, you should have seen it - The Teamsters were helping Michael Moore into the trunk of his limo.
You cannot make your opportunities concur with the opportunities of people whose incomes are ten times greater than yours.
Hosting the Oscars is much like making love to a woman. It's something I only get to do when Billy Crystal is out of town.
He never complicates a desire by overthinking it, unlike Mirabelle, who spins a cocoon around an idea until it is immobile.
You know what your problem is, it's that you haven't seen enough movies - all of life's riddles are answered in the movies.
I never thought about success. I always thought about doing the job at hand. My goal was getting through the show that night.
I never had a movie that I wanted to do turned down in my whole life. I always write the script first so it speaks for itself.
Through the years, I have learned there is no harm in charging oneself up with delusions between moments of valid inspiration.
I've put an umbrella in my mouth and opened it. I sat in a lemon-meringue pie. I've done terrible things to my dog with a fork.
I can understand the drug thing. So they feel that it's more important to take the drugs than to do a good show for the people.
I think when the movie `Roxanne' came out, which I also had written, I felt something new that I never felt, which was respect.
I believe the United States should allow all foreigners in this country, provided they can speak our native language... Apache.
I thought 'Borat' was a breakthrough comedy, because it was really funny. It wasn't some studio-produced script with 14 writers.
You want to know how I think art should be taught to children? Take them to a museum and say, 'This is art, and you can't do it.
I don't watch myself generÂally. I do something, see it once, and then I'll probably never see it again unless it's an accident.
What is a movie star? A movie star is many things. They can be tall, short, thin, or skinny. They can be Democrats... or skinny.
I took literally everything I knew how to do on stage with me, which was juggling, magic and banjo and my little comedy routines.
Yeah, well, we're all writers, aren't we? He's a writer that hasn't been published, and I'm a writer who hasn't written anything.
I'm always looking for something to engage my imagination and take me on a little mental voyage. I just want a new topic in my life.
Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do criticize him, you'll be a mile away and have his shoes.
Awards mean nothing to comedians. What matters is the audience, how you're doing - artistically, for the most part - at that moment.
...the divided world of Aspen, where locals with a sense of entitlement were pitted against developers with a sense of condominiums.
A remarkable memoir that's packed with anecdotes, advice and humor, all while maintaining a high level of dignity and self-awareness.
Anyone who's ever worked with Meryl Streep always says the same thing: can that woman act! And what's with all the Hitler memorabilia?
I opened the show with this line: "I have decided to give the greatest performance of my life! Oh, wait, sorry, that's tomorrow night.
I was not self-destructive, though I almost destroyed myself. In the end, I turned away from stand-up with a tired swivel of my head...
I'm for the Wall Street Occupiers. But will they accept me when they find out I sell packaged mortgage default instruments to children?
Kids like my act because I'm wearing nose glasses. Adults like my act because there's a guy who thinks putting on nose glasses is funny.
She has learned that her body is precious and it mustn't be offered carelessly ever again, as it holds a direct connection to her heart.
There are some people that will not pick up a phone and call you, but if you knock on a door and talk to them, they'll talk back to you.
I'm not Vegas. Places I play usually cost like $3 to get in, you know, and people are going: Gee, I've got $3, I think I'll throw it away.
To me, torture would be, "I can't think what to write in the next sentence. I'm stuck." Torture would be if you didn't have the next idea.
I'm the leader of the platoon and I run gambling and lotteries, dances and I sell beer illegally. I'm a con man and I'm thoroughly lovable.
You know when you're telling these little stories? Here's a good idea: have a point. It makes it so much more interesting for the listener!
There is something going on now in Mexico that I happen to think is cruelty to animals. What I'm talking about, of course, is cat juggling.
Comedians don`t get Oscars, so I gave up on that a long time ago. And I can`t really speak about the Oscar-worthiness of my own performance.
I never thought much about success early on. I only thought about being a comedian - or just being in show business, is really more accurate.
I don't really manage my time. I really just wait until I'm inspired to do something. And when I'm inspired to do something, it just happens.